Ladies we all know that building a strong business network is key to being the most successful in life and in business. Building a strong network requires two things, time and education, with the key requirement being time. After all it takes time to invest in our education.

Here is one tip to help you, learn to have a strong No! No, I cannot serve on the PTA Board this year. No, I cannot chair that fundraiser. No, I cannot take on that project at work. No, I cannot be the carpool mom for this activity. It is better to have a strong No than it is to have a weak Yes. A weak Yes ruins your credibility, and shows you as someone who only half commits. A strong No shows that you know you limitations and how to give effectively.

Take a look at what you are trying to accomplish, do your activities really support that? Instead of taking on new activities, take a look at the things that you are already doing and figure out how they are supporting you in building that network that you need. How much time are you spending at unproductive events? Would your time be better spent going to events where you know you will be able to connect with people already in your network? Do you really need to add more people right now?

Next ask yourself, how much time have you set aside for your personal and professional development? If you want to build a network of people who help you build a business you love, you need to set aside time to learn the skills it takes to build the relationships that help to build a business and life you love.

This week, take time to list all of your activities, how are they serving you? How are you serving them? Which of them do you need to give up? Where in your life, are you doing things out of a sense of duty versus a passion for the activity? Where in your life are you not really giving 100%?

When you do that, you will know what you need to give up and what you should say No to.

Business networking is about building relationships and who is better at building relationships than women. When it comes to networking there are a few things that women are just naturally better at then the men. There are things they can learn from us, just as there are things we can learn from them. In this blog, I am listing the 3 things that women do better than the men. The following blog will list the 3 things that men do better than women and the third in the series will discuss how we can learn from each other. So, before you men get all upset, be patient, you time to shine will be next, ladies first!

1. Women build deeper relationships with the people they meet than men do. That is not to say that men do not build relationships, they do, but they do it differently and they define it differently. This really plays out when men retire, once they are no longer working they have few close friends to do things with. Good networking is about building good relationships.

2. Women are excellent carriers of word-of-mouth. Women will sing your praises when you do a good job for them, and typically they are less likely to refer someone if they have not used or seen the quality of your work or product. When they do, no one will pass on the information better than a female.

3. Women by nature are collaborators, they build community. They will rally a group together to accomplish a goal or task. Where men are often lone wolves, women like to do things in groups. This plays very well in the business networking arena, it allows more people to win, when they are all working together.

 All of these are good traits, and each of them have a downfall. While it is important to build relationships, women often forget that they are building business relationships. Relationships that are meant to help, to be leveraged for business on both sides. We spend a lot of time building the relationships in the hope that they will do business with us, but we think that just because someone knows what we do, they will choose to use us when the need arises. That is a belief that often holds us back from creating the success in our business networking that we are looking for.

Next up: Three things that men do better than women!

I went to Ireland in February to speak at a conference, I connected with some of my friends there, and made many new friends, last week I was in Australia, training a group of franchise owners.  In August I will be in Africa working with a team of franchise owners, and in October, I am going to go hang out with friends in London, Paris and Scotland.   Ten years ago I would not have believed that I could know someone on every continent of the globe, but today, I do.  It makes for a diversely rich network, allowing me to learn, connect and travel the world.

One of the benefits of traveling,  teaching and learning is my appreciation of my very own country, to be able to see the US through the eyes of those outside the US.  To travel the way that I do in the world never would have happened if I had not decided to be intentional about the creation of my network.  Every single opportunity that I have had to travel has been the result of my network, they have referred me over and over to others.  They extend invitations and make me feel at home in a foreign place.

Today it is not hard at all to build a global network.  With social media sites like Facebook, Linkedin, and  Twitter and international face to face organizations like Rotary, Toastmasters and BNI the world continues to feel as if it is shrinking.  When you meet someone on the other side of the world who knows someone you know, it hits you, just how connected we all are!

Here are a few things that you can do to increase your global connections and create contacts around the world.

1.  Social Media – Get active on sites like Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn and start connecting globally. These are the big three. But, I have found there are more region specific sites like Ecademy that are heavily used by Europeans, so I am able to have more conversations and stay up on world topics by participating there. There are also sites that are more heavily influenced by Asian participants too.

2.  Attend international trade shows and conferences. Attending workshops with people from all over the world allows you to connect over a common interest. This opens the door for future conversations and connection. Don’t forget to follow up with the people that you meet! I am a member of the National Speakers Association and one of my best connections came from the New York Conference where I was able to meet with Lindsay Adams, President of the International Speakers Association. I had the opportunity to co-present with him while I was in Australia because of the connection we made at conference.

3.  When the opportunity to take a program comes up go to a city with international influence. Given the opportunity I prefer to go to Chicago because I know that I am more likely to meet people from all over the world than I would if I stay in my own town. I have made several great contacts using this tactic alone.

4.  Get involved in international organizations like BNI, Toastmasters and Rotary where you can connect globally while doing business locally. These are organizations that have large global memberships and a common cause, they encourage you to stop in and visit the local chapters when you are in the area.

It is a big world out there, but when you know someone everywhere you go, it makes it small and cozy.  You are comfortable going to a part of the world you have never been to when you connect with someone you know there.  It is wonderful to be able to learn about other cultures, languages, styles, history, and yes even food.  The opportunity to build your global network is better than it ever has been, you just have to step out, and do it!

Time to Let the Fear Go

I have been reading a book called, She Wins, You Win by Gail Evans. I started reading it 2 years ago, and picked it back up as a source of my new book, Business Networking and Sex, Not what you think. and I remembered what I like about this book, it confirms so much of what I have believed was happening with women in business and the work place.   We women are terribly competitive with one another, and we are fraught with a variety of fears.   This one fear caught my attention since it is the very nature of what I teach and work on with women in my programs.

FEAR: If you build relationships with other women hoping that you will profit from them you are being manipulative.

REALITY: Excerpted…Women are struggling with this concept because we think that using a friend to achieve some positive result in business is nasty, immoral, and manipulative. We do not understand that having a close friend help us make a business connection is a routine favor that men do for each other all the time.

It is time that we move on from this fear. I often think that “We have come a long way baby” but then when I am working with my female clients it becomes clear to me that not much has really changed within ourselves. We still harbor old fears such as the one above, we still gossip about how the other woman has achieved her success, and we still choose men to advise us over a female in the same profession, in most cases.

We are excellent at building strong relationships with others, it’s time that we also become good at asking those we have built relationships with to help us grow our business. To buy from us, to connect us, to hire us, to refer one another more effectively.

It is time to put the fear of being perceived as pushy, too salesy, calculating and manipulative behind us.  It is time that we stop talking about supporting one another and start referring and using one another’s businesses.   It is time to allow our networks to help us!

I love to help people be more successful with their networking activities.  Most of us are networking because we are looking for more referrals for our business.  Unfortunately over time people come to realize that it takes more than meeting, greeting, and exchanging cards.

Here is a list of common issues that business people have around generating referrals for their business.  This is not a complete list, but does cover many of the issues.

• I spend more time networking than following up on referrals.
• I find that I give a lot of referrals to people but get very little in return.
• I don’t know the right place to networker.
• I don’t know the right time to ask a person for a referral.
• I get a lot of low level leads that do not amount to business.
• I often don’t have time to follow up on the referrals I am given.
• I tell a lot of people what I do, the they just don’t seem to understand.
• I don’t attend networking events because I really don’t know what to do when I am there.
• I feel like I have a lot of visibility but it is not leading to referrals.
• I don’t know the value of an appointment.
• I try to build a power team but no one follows through.
• Following up after a networking event often falls through the crack.
• I cannot figure out why some people will not refer business to me.
• I don’t know exactly who is in my contact sphere.
• I don’t know who I want my next customer to be.
• My database is unorganized and not sortable.
• I would rather just make friends and hope they buy from me.
• My referral partners do not participate at the same level I do.
• I don’t know how to qualify a referral for others in my network.
• When I have a one to one it becomes too social.
• When I get a referral, it often does not convert to business.
• I cannot get my fellow network members to educate me how to refer them.
• I am not sure how to educate my network.
• I am spending too much of my time with low value prospects.
• I cannot get clarity around my target market.
• My referrals are unpredictable.
• When I get a referral, I am often disappointed in the quality of it.
• I spend too much time working on my network versus in my network.
• I don’t understand the six steps of the referral process or if I am missing any of them.
• I don’t understand how to move a person into a  proactive referral relationship.
• I get some referrals from my clients but that is about it.
• I know I need more business by referral and I just don’t know where to start.
• I am confused about the role that Social Media plays in my network.
• My company has offered reward for referrals, yet get few of any quality.

Building your business by referral is Simple, but it is Not Easy.

Here is the one you have been looking for. The last step in the referral process is a relatively easy step for your referral source, assuming they have been trained properly. This is the step where the work you have done thus far turns into the possibility of business. It is the appointment. When trained correctly your referral source can now set up an appointment for you and the prospect to meet. They have done a good job identifying need and building your credibility when they offer your company as the solution, now they set the appointment.

This is your opportunity to meet the referred prospect, build some rapport with them and possibly close a deal. If your referral source has done a good job they have passed you a level 10 referral, which means the deal is done, all that is left is the paper work! The higher the level of the referral, the less work in the sales process you will have to do to close the deal. With proper training and preparation your referral source should be able to pass you high level referrals consistently.

Note: Anything your referral sources are doing for you, you should be doing the same for them.

It is important to remember in this step you have one key commitment to your referrals source, you must leave them looking good to the prospect, no matter what. That is what they trust you to do, if that means, walking away from the deal because it is not a good fit, that is your obligation to the referral source.

Remember: A referral is an opportunity to do business, it is not a guaranteed sale.

Once you have had the appointment with the prospect, don’t forget to call your referral source and let them know how the meeting went. Review your referral process and discuss what went well and what might have been done differently in the process.

Passing referrals is a business process and you should have a carefully constructed strategy around the getting and giving or referral. The process is much like dancing, you both must learn all the steps and practice them often. Both the referral source and you must be in sync with one another, constantly going over the steps and making sure the process is working for both of you otherwise, you may be stepping on someones toes.

If you would like to learn more about the five step process, check out your local Referral Institute Programs.

In this post we look at the third step of the referral process. Without step three there is no referral, you cannot pass a referral if you cannot identify a persons need. In step three, you teach your network members how to identify the need for your product or services.   Few people ever teach this part of the process to their network members. They assume that if they pass enough knowledge about what they do and how they do it, people will pass them referrals.  If you stop at steps one and two you will only receive leads or reactive referrals.  While reactive referrals are good, they cannot be predicted and depend on.  Reactive referrals required a lot of “If’s” for them to happen.

If someone calls me and ask me who I know that can fix their car, and if I can remember to pass your information on, and if they pick up the phone and call you, then you get business.  Companies pay a lot of money to develop top of mind thinking for just this kind of business. Companies like Nike, Coke and Budwiser.  Word of mouth works, it brings this kind of business in and you can make a living doing it.   But, it will not get you proactive, predictable, high value referred prospects.  For that to happen your network must understand how to identify need on your behalf.   What questions can they ask their clients when they are talking to them, what might be happening in their lives that will trigger your network to ask the questions.  What pain do fix for your customers and how will you teach that to your network members?

The more you teach your network the higher the quality referrals you will receive from them.

The first step to getting quality referrals is the trust step. All to often this is the one step that everyone tries to rush and it is the one step that is not controlled by you. While there are things that you can do that builds trust, it is actually up to the other person to decide when and if they trust you.

Until you have trust with others, there is no way that they are going to risk their reputation or their best clients with you. Every time you receive a referral from someone they are in fact lending you their credibility, their reputation.

What are the steps that you can take to build trust with your fellow network members? Think about what it takes before you trust another person. Do you trust fast, until someone proves they are not worthy of your trust, or do you trust slow, people must prove they are trustworthy first. What actions motivate you to trust?Here are some very simple things that build trust everyday.

First, do what you say you are going to do. This seems simple enough right? But all to often people over extend themselves or they say yes to things that they are really not interested in doing. If you say that you are going to do something for someone right it down on a task list, put a date and time next to it and getting it done.

In a survey of over 12,000 business people, participants stated that follow up was a key activity if they were going to pass referrals, when people did not follow up promptly they did not trust them to pass referrals to them.

Don’t talk about you, ask questions and show interest in learning about the other person.

Listen to the person who is talking to you, don’t look at your cell phone, don’t look over their shoulder, pay attention, show respect for their time and information.

Be positive, people who have a smile and positive attitude are the people we want to be around. They are likeable and we trust them quicker.

Lastly, whenever possible, give a lead, referral, connection or information. Practice the givers gain attitude, it will take you a long way in building strong trusting relationships.

Take your time, be authentic and people will trust and want to refer you. They will know that they can trust you to make them look good with their clients, family and friends. For more information on building trust I recommend the book.

If you get a chance pick up The Speed of Trust by Stephen Covey, he gives a systematic approach to building trust with a list of the 7 Secrets to building trust in your life.

There are 5 Steps to the referral process, as identified by the Referral Institute and Dr. Ivan Misner.  Each step is important and no step can be skipped,  if what you want are high level referrals that close into quality business. The biggest complaint that that I hear from is they are getting leads or nothing at all. I hear over and over how this organization or that one did not work because they only got leads that turned in to low value business or no business at all.   Blaming the organization for the lack of referrals is not productive, it all starts with you. Until you recognize that you cannot change the outcome.   Getting Referrals has little to do with the organization and everything to do with implementing the 5 Steps.

Each of the 5 Steps require a post of their own, so this is the beginning of the series of 7 articles.

Here are the 5 Steps to getting high value referrals from your network.

1. Trust, this is the biggest step and often the hardest.

2. Knowledge, a very small step, easy to achieve.

3. Need, is rarely if ever trained to referral sources.

4. Solution, you are the solution to the need but do your referral sources know how offer your solution?

5. The appointment, is the last and final step to teach, how do you want to be referred.

Each step is important and each step must be accomplished flawlessly. Unfortunately, no time or little time is spent on these steps and most people don’t even recognize that there is a system. So, stay tuned for the next 6 post, we will look at each of the steps in detail!

While I was doing research for a book that I am working on, I came across this quote, left by a survey participant. “I am very tired of networking for the sake of networking I find nothing to hook onto. Everyone talks, there is nothing to happen, nothing happens.”  This is not an uncommon sentiment, I have heard it time and again from people who are running around doing willy-nilly networking. Networking without a plan and a system can be frustrating.

I have broken the statement down and offered 4 techniques that would turn this persons experience of networking from a waste of time to a successful use of time.

1. “I am tired of networking for the sake of networking” Networking for the sake of networking is a waste of time. I can certainly understand why one would feel tired of networking if they are going to events with no goals or intention set before attending.  Set a goal prior to attending the event, how many people do you need to meet, whom do you want to meet, what professions are you looking to connect with, all of these are reasonable goals for a networking event. I often use a 3×5 card to jot down my networking goals. Once I have met the goal I know I am now free to leave or just socialize.

2. “I find nothing to hook on to” A simple change of mind set is needed here. Instead of looking for something for yourself, shift your mindset to “Givers Gain”.   Start thinking about how you might be able to help others in the room. That simple mindset will completely change the way that you approach each person and you will find that there are many opportunities to “hook onto”.

3. “Everyone talks” Often at networking events I feel like it is a bunch of televisions talking to one another.   No one is listening. Next time you are at an event and the room has gotten loud ask the person you are trying to have a conversation with to step away from the crowd, then begin to ask them questions allowing them to talk while you listen. People want to be heard unfortunately there are not enough of us listening.

4. “Nothing to happen,nothing happens” There may be some unreal expectations set here. What kind of things are you expecting to happen at a networking event? Realistically it is an opportunity to meet people and find ways to build a deeper relationship. Until there is a relationship built on mutual trust, likely there will be little happening. Unfortunately most people go to networking events with unrealistic expectations, when building a business by referral you must be willing to invest time in your network.

Good networking requires a plan, a follow up system, and time.  Do you have a plan?   Are you working it?