I did a presentation today for the Indianapolis Chamber of Commerce, Business Growth Series.   I was asked the following question, How do you get connected to the decision maker of a company?

A good question and one that many people ask. The answer is simple, but it is not easy. Here is the answer for all of you who want to know the simple answer;   Ask you network to connect you.  There I told you it was simple, just ask.

Ah, but I also said, it was not easy.  Here is the rest of the answer.   There is a lot of work that must go into your network prior to asking and getting the connections.

1. You must develop your network – Too many business people spend all their time building these huge databases of people, constantly adding to it. They have very wide networks, but not very deep. Stop adding people to your network, take the time to identify the people in your network whom you need to really develop a relationship with. Go into your network and start working on building relationships.  See who is already referring you, find your key sources and connectors.  Spend time working in your network, develop the people you already know versus adding more people to the network.

2. Identify your key connectors. Who are they? In every network of people there are key connectors who will be able to connect you to a multitude of people you would not otherwise have the opportunity to meet. Build deeper relationships with your key connectors.

3.  Know who you want to be connected to.  This means you need to do a little homework and find out who this contact is you are after.  To often I hear “I want an introduction to the head of Marketing for the XYZ company.”    It would be more effective when asked this way:  ”I am looking for a personal introduction to David Jones, of the XYZ Company.”  Now your network knows who you want to be connected to and how you want to be connected.  They can easily look in their database and see if they know that person.   Most networkers never do the home work to identify who they want to know.

I teach a program called Referral Dynamic, it is an amazing program, and I love the results that our participants achieve as a result of this program.  One of the topics that we have a very spirited conversation around is competitors.  You see it’s my belief that there are no competitors, just opportunities for collaboration.

Here is a note that one of our students sent us about his experience with competitors after our discussion:

“When I was taking the Referral Dynamics class Denise, our instructor, suggested that I consider working with a company whom I considered a major competitor.  I told her that would be crazy since they were paid to do what I do.  One afternoon I called an old friend of mine who happens to be this company’s top sales person.  I explained to her what I wanted, and asked her if there was any opportunity for us to work together.  To my total surprise, she went on to tell me that there was more than just an opportunity, there was in fact every reason for us to work together.  I turns out, when her company sold a program, they then turned it over to an advisor to manage.  Today, this has become a very profitable relationship for my company.  What I once considered a competitor is now one of my top referring partners.

The moral of the story, “Don’t assume that you know everything that your competitor does or how they do it.”

• Do you know who your competitors are?
• How do you compete?
• Who is their target market?
• How aer you alike?
• How are you different?
• What is their strength?
• What is their weakness?
• Do you know their price points?
• Who are their top sales people?
• Where might there be an opportunity for collaboration?

You might find that whom you thought was a competitor is truly an opportunity.  Spend the time to do the work, you may be very happy that you did.

The world becomes a smaller and friendlier place when you network well. As a professional speaker I find there are times that I am gone for long periods from my home and office. When I am home it is only for a day or two to pick up a clean suite and catch another plane. When I get back for the next 2-3 days I feel like I have road head, tired and unable to fully focus and concentrate,such is the way today. That being said, I wouldn’t change a thing! I meet the most amazing people when I am traveling and networking. Last week in California I had the opportunity to share the stage with Dr. Ivan Misner, father of modern networking and Lindsay Adams, President of the International Speakers Association. Later I got great feedback from both of them on how good my presentation was, as well as how I might improve it for the next time. This is the kind of coaching and feedback you can’t pay for!

I had dinner with Lindsay & Debra Adams form Australia and Phil & Michelle Bedford from Dubai where I learned about some of the local customs and laws as well as the weather and best times to visit their countries. Both were more than willing to make connections, give feedback and share contacts should I need them.

In Florida, and the NACM National Conference I met a team from the UK who are looking to expand their business into the US. We had a wonderful discussion about the differences between business in the U.S. and business in the U.K. and how we might be able to help one another. Later I met Danielle Austin, a national expert on Export Letters of Credit for companies who are sending their goods overseas. We had a great dinner together since we were both there alone as presenters and learned how much Danielle loves what she does and how good she is at it.

In Canada, I met John Sawyer, President of the Oakville Chamber of Commerce, and the Mayor of Oakville. Paula Hope a trainer and speaker put on a fantastic event that I was able to present at, she and her team went above and beyond the call of duty. While there I met Christel Wintelsl, BNI Director and National Franchise Owner for Canada again. I was able to spend time and build a great relationship with Christel and Paula which adds great value to my network.

So, why do I tell you all this and why do you care? Simple, networking is a 24 hour a day activity, anywhere you go. I could have chosen to hide out and work in my room at each of these events but I chose to network, to meet new people, to find ways to connect and build the relationships.

Networking is not just about going to events and meetings, it is about connecting with people exactly where they are and asking “How can I help you.” Good Networking is about listening to what others are saying, and not being the authority in the room. Good networking is about leaving your ego at the door and be willing to be present in the moment with the people around you. Good networking is a wonderful way to build not only your business, but your life.

Networking

Today I decided to take advantage of the beautiful day and work out on the front porch.  It was sunny, light breeze and very quiet.  I set up my laptop, got out my cell phone and poured me a cup of coffee, I noticed just a few little birds chirping.  I thought  that it would be the perfect place to sit and do my conference call with Dr. Ivan Misner and authors from around the world.

Suddenly, the silence was shattered!  It sounded like a birdie gang war!  I stepped off my front porch, looked up on my roof to find a group of little sparrows and one little black bird in the middle of the sparrows.  Those sparrows were chirping, squawking, and tweeting at him.  All the while, he continued to sit on the roof peek in the middle of the sparrows as if he was deaf to their incessant chatter, every so often letting out a little chirp of his own.

As I watched this little bird drama play out I realized those birds were behaving much the same way that we humans behave with our networks. As a BNI Director I often visit many of the groups, some are big, others much smaller.  When I have a conversation with the chapters about inviting guest and adding new members, I will hear great reluctance from some of the members and I often get the following comment “We like the group small and intimate.”  “We like it the way it is.”  “We all get along now.”    It is often the strangers in the room who are the source of those dream referrals, it is those strangers who have the connections you are looking for or who become your next best customer.  How often do we discount the person not like us, the person who is the stranger in the room?

How do you treat the strangers who come into your network?  Do you stand around with your friends and try to figure out who they are, who invited them, what they are doing in the room?  Like the little birds?  Or do you reach out to  make them feel welcome? Do you take the time to build a relationship and add them to your network or, are you networking like the little sparrows twittering among yourselves and ignoring the stranger hopeing that he will go away?

Over the years I have developed a pretty deep network and one of the things that I spend a lot of time doing is up dating my database.  In the process of doing that this week I noticed that my strongest referral relationships are with guys.  So I began to think about that, why are there more males in my strong contact network instead of women and here are some of the things that I came up with.

When I sit down with a guy to build a referral relationship the conversation tends to be straight forward.  When I ask the question, “What can I do to help you grow your business?”  They almost always have a response.   They let me know exactly what it is I can do; “You can help me get more speaking engagements” or “If you do a newsletter it would be great if you would let me put an article in it.”

On the other hand if when I sit down with a female referral source and ask the same question I am often given this response; “I can’t think of anything but if I do I will let you know.”

Women seem to be challenged at knowing what they need and asking others to help them.  We feel that we cannot ask others to do things for us.  After all, have been raised to believe that it is our responsibility to take care of others, we do things for our spouses, our children, our family members even our co-workers.

One of the tough things for women to do it is ASK for what they want, clearly, succintly without guilt.  It is something that we really must learn if we are ever going to be good at leveraging our networks.  Keep in mind, we are not going to ask anyone for anything that we wouldd not do in return for them if they would ask.

Take a moment and ask yourself the following questions:

1.  What 2-3 things could I ask others to do to help me?  If you know in advance what kinds of things your networking members can do for you it will be easier for you to ask them when you are sharing a cup of coffee.

2.  List 3-4 people you would like to meet or be connected to.  Your network members are happy to connect you if you ask for someone specifically instead of “Anyone who needs my services.”  These might be professionals you want to add to your network, possible referral sources or potential clients.

3.  Make a list of the 4-5 people who might be willing to help you.  Most likely these are people in your network whom you have a relationship with.  They are people whom you are also willing to help if they ask you to.

It is important that you ask for what you want, there are members of your network who are more than happy to help you but they will not figure it out for you or take the initiative.  Our beliefe that “If they like me or if I do a good job for them, they will help me, refer me or connect me” hurts us.  We get what we ask for, if we wait for people to help us it may never happen.

How many times have you done a one to one, or met with someone and meeting finishes with this statement….”Let me know if there is anything I can do for you.” Or “Is there anything that I can do to help you?”

We simply say, send me leads, or referrals or we say something like this “I can’t think of anything right now, but I will let you know if I do.” What a lost opportunity. People can help you in more ways than just passing referrals or leads, here are a list of things that you can do for one another that will help each of you.

1. You could put an article about my services in your newsletter, I will do the same for you.
2. You could invite me to a networking opportunity that you may be going to.
3. You could nominate me for an award it would build my credibility
4. You could attend an event with me; it would create visibility for both of us.
5. You could display my information or products in your office or store.
6. You could mention me in your blog.
7. You could read my blog and comment, and then link to my blog.
8. You could introduce me to your network
9. You could write an article for my newsletter
10. You could invite your best client to our chapter so I could meet them.
11. You could WRITE me a great testimonial that I could used in my materials.
12. You could put my brochure or information in your client mailings.

There are so many other things that we can do for each other that will add value to our business. Instead of always asking for a referral, ask for something else. People are more than willing to help you, just give them other opportunities. Give me a list of other things that you would value and could ask for.

REMEMBER: If you ask others to do it for you, then you must be willing to reciprocate.