I met with one of my clients yesterday and we talked about his target market, I had a conversation with a friend who runs her business and we talked about her target market.  I had a phone call with a potential referral partner  to discuss our referral strategy and we talked about our target market.

It seems that Target Market is an important subject, and one that every business should focus on clarifying.  So why does it seem so difficult, for businesses and solopreneurs to identify a target market?  Not having clarity on this topic creates a whole host of problems;

1.  You spend your marketing money using an ineffective shotgun approach that nets low value results.

2.  You find yourself networking at completely inappropriate places.  If I sell cars and I know that 65% of all new car purchasing decisions are made by women, then I am going to go network with women and other businesses who sell to women, not a room full of men.

3.  You end up having the wrong conversations with the wrong people at the wrong time.  Because you are looking for anybody who needs your services you waste a lot of time talking to everybody even when they are the wrong somebodies.

4.  You cannot develop a good referral partner and you end up with a lot of sources who are referring you low level, low value leads.  A good referral partner has the exact same target market as you do, you are focused and you have a strategy for developing referrals.

5.  You miss great opportunities because you are so busy taking care of the low value clients and customers that your high value opportunities are passed by.

10% of your clients create 80% of your income and 10% of your clients suck up 80% of your time and generate little income, why would you use shotgun approaches that only net you more of the latter?  If you focus on the top 10%, spend your time and money seeking more of them, the other 80% will just show up and you will be able to regularly clear out the bottom 10% thus freeing up your time to nurture the top 10%.

Remember when you were a kid and you would catch someone in a lie, all the kids would run around and sing “liar liar, pants on fire, tear your britches on a telephone wire”. I felt like tweeting that very thing to a tweeter this week.

I was on twitter early in the morning this week when I came across a tweet that said the following: “If you are thinking about or like tattoos here is a great resource link”.    I like well done tattoos, and I wanted to see this resource, so I clicked the link.

Imagine my surprise to be taken to a splash page to buy a social media marketing kit! I thought that I may have made a mistake so I closed the page and went back to the original tweet and tried that link again. No I had made no mistake at all, it took me right back to the splash page.

I went back to the tweet again and reviewed this “Social Media Marketing” experts profile and it appears that it is common place for her to tweet this way. More shocking she follows and is followed by 22,000 people and she has tweeted 10,000 times. So I went to her website and I was not surprised to find it filled with buy, buy, buy propaganda.

My next step was to report her tweet as spam, unfollow her and block her. In my opinion I think that she is a liar and not someone I care to follow or to expose my followers to. But here is the bigger question, does this this kind of bait and switch social media really work? Is this the level of integrity that people can expect in the world of social media?

If you expect me to buy from you, recommend you, or even continue to follow you then DON’T LIE TO ME! Don’t leave me feeling deceived, tricked or taken advantage of. Ok rant over, but I would love to hear from others of you. What is your experience?

While I was doing research for a book that I am working on, I came across this quote, left by a survey participant. “I am very tired of networking for the sake of networking I find nothing to hook onto. Everyone talks, there is nothing to happen, nothing happens.”  This is not an uncommon sentiment, I have heard it time and again from people who are running around doing willy-nilly networking. Networking without a plan and a system can be frustrating.

I have broken the statement down and offered 4 techniques that would turn this persons experience of networking from a waste of time to a successful use of time.

1. “I am tired of networking for the sake of networking” Networking for the sake of networking is a waste of time. I can certainly understand why one would feel tired of networking if they are going to events with no goals or intention set before attending.  Set a goal prior to attending the event, how many people do you need to meet, whom do you want to meet, what professions are you looking to connect with, all of these are reasonable goals for a networking event. I often use a 3×5 card to jot down my networking goals. Once I have met the goal I know I am now free to leave or just socialize.

2. “I find nothing to hook on to” A simple change of mind set is needed here. Instead of looking for something for yourself, shift your mindset to “Givers Gain”.   Start thinking about how you might be able to help others in the room. That simple mindset will completely change the way that you approach each person and you will find that there are many opportunities to “hook onto”.

3. “Everyone talks” Often at networking events I feel like it is a bunch of televisions talking to one another.   No one is listening. Next time you are at an event and the room has gotten loud ask the person you are trying to have a conversation with to step away from the crowd, then begin to ask them questions allowing them to talk while you listen. People want to be heard unfortunately there are not enough of us listening.

4. “Nothing to happen,nothing happens” There may be some unreal expectations set here. What kind of things are you expecting to happen at a networking event? Realistically it is an opportunity to meet people and find ways to build a deeper relationship. Until there is a relationship built on mutual trust, likely there will be little happening. Unfortunately most people go to networking events with unrealistic expectations, when building a business by referral you must be willing to invest time in your network.

Good networking requires a plan, a follow up system, and time.  Do you have a plan?   Are you working it?

I am in the business of helping other people and in return I have made a good living.. I know that my higher calling in life is to contribute to others. I also understand that as I help others be more successful, I too become more successful. I love my businesses and I love the impact I have on others.

What I don’t love, are the people who will say things like; “Hazel is only in it for the money.” “She only wants us to invite more people to BNI so she can make more money.” and my favorite is, “You don’t know what it is like to not have money and to scrape by.” At first when I hear these remarks I become very defensive. I have a need to explain how I have had to work for everything I have and how when the members grow their chapters they help themselves and their businesses, and we all succeed.

Today as I reflect I realize I too have made judgements and assumptions about other people only to find out how truly wrong I was about them later on. I allowed jealousy and envy to cloud my thinking and that always leads to resentment. I got to know the people and learn about them, and who they are in the world, have been ashamed of myself for making assumptions. Most of these people have become very good friends who have added great value to my life and my businesses.

When I take a step back from those remarks, and I have time to think about it, I realize that they are making the same judgements and assumptions about me that I once made about others. They dont know who I am, where I came from, how hard I work or what my intentions are, their judgements are based on something that has nothing to do with me, so there is really no reason for me to be bothered. I will let my actions speak for me by continuing to practice the Givers Gain Philosophy of Life.

Who are you making assumptions about? Find that person, sit down with them and have a conversation, you just might find that your assumptions and judgements are wrong and there is a new friendship in the making.

When I began my path of networking in 1991 my sole intention was to build my business. I never considered what impact my network would have on my life, the people I would meet, the places I would travel and the things that I would be able to do, because of the network I have developed.

As I sit on an airplane headed to Massachusetts to spend time with my friends whom I met networking at BNI’s international conferences, I have had time to reflect upon my life and how it has been impacted by the diversity of my network.

Last week I was in Scotland at a friends wedding, this week I was in Big Bear California where I spent time with people from all over the country and my friend Sarah from England as well as Michael Gerber and his wife.

Because of the time invested in my network I have had the opportunity to build a business that I love and travel the world to help those in my network.

Unfortunately too many people spend time only networking with those of their own kind, those whom live in the same area, speak the same language, and dress the same way. This is a very limiting way to build a network.

Step out, go network at places where you have never networked before. Meet people who are different, from other places, different states, cities, and countries. When your network is diverse your life becomes enriched and opportunities are presented that would never have happened otherwise.

You can have anything you want in life, go anywhere in the world, and create a life you love when you build a far reaching and diverse network. So, step out of your comfort zone, go somewhere new, meet new people in a new place, diversify your network.

I did a presentation today for the Indianapolis Chamber of Commerce, Business Growth Series.   I was asked the following question, How do you get connected to the decision maker of a company?

A good question and one that many people ask. The answer is simple, but it is not easy. Here is the answer for all of you who want to know the simple answer;   Ask you network to connect you.  There I told you it was simple, just ask.

Ah, but I also said, it was not easy.  Here is the rest of the answer.   There is a lot of work that must go into your network prior to asking and getting the connections.

1. You must develop your network – Too many business people spend all their time building these huge databases of people, constantly adding to it. They have very wide networks, but not very deep. Stop adding people to your network, take the time to identify the people in your network whom you need to really develop a relationship with. Go into your network and start working on building relationships.  See who is already referring you, find your key sources and connectors.  Spend time working in your network, develop the people you already know versus adding more people to the network.

2. Identify your key connectors. Who are they? In every network of people there are key connectors who will be able to connect you to a multitude of people you would not otherwise have the opportunity to meet. Build deeper relationships with your key connectors.

3.  Know who you want to be connected to.  This means you need to do a little homework and find out who this contact is you are after.  To often I hear “I want an introduction to the head of Marketing for the XYZ company.”    It would be more effective when asked this way:  ”I am looking for a personal introduction to David Jones, of the XYZ Company.”  Now your network knows who you want to be connected to and how you want to be connected.  They can easily look in their database and see if they know that person.   Most networkers never do the home work to identify who they want to know.

I teach a program called Referral Dynamic, it is an amazing program, and I love the results that our participants achieve as a result of this program.  One of the topics that we have a very spirited conversation around is competitors.  You see it’s my belief that there are no competitors, just opportunities for collaboration.

Here is a note that one of our students sent us about his experience with competitors after our discussion:

“When I was taking the Referral Dynamics class Denise, our instructor, suggested that I consider working with a company whom I considered a major competitor.  I told her that would be crazy since they were paid to do what I do.  One afternoon I called an old friend of mine who happens to be this company’s top sales person.  I explained to her what I wanted, and asked her if there was any opportunity for us to work together.  To my total surprise, she went on to tell me that there was more than just an opportunity, there was in fact every reason for us to work together.  I turns out, when her company sold a program, they then turned it over to an advisor to manage.  Today, this has become a very profitable relationship for my company.  What I once considered a competitor is now one of my top referring partners.

The moral of the story, “Don’t assume that you know everything that your competitor does or how they do it.”

• Do you know who your competitors are?
• How do you compete?
• Who is their target market?
• How aer you alike?
• How are you different?
• What is their strength?
• What is their weakness?
• Do you know their price points?
• Who are their top sales people?
• Where might there be an opportunity for collaboration?

You might find that whom you thought was a competitor is truly an opportunity.  Spend the time to do the work, you may be very happy that you did.

The world becomes a smaller and friendlier place when you network well. As a professional speaker I find there are times that I am gone for long periods from my home and office. When I am home it is only for a day or two to pick up a clean suite and catch another plane. When I get back for the next 2-3 days I feel like I have road head, tired and unable to fully focus and concentrate,such is the way today. That being said, I wouldn’t change a thing! I meet the most amazing people when I am traveling and networking. Last week in California I had the opportunity to share the stage with Dr. Ivan Misner, father of modern networking and Lindsay Adams, President of the International Speakers Association. Later I got great feedback from both of them on how good my presentation was, as well as how I might improve it for the next time. This is the kind of coaching and feedback you can’t pay for!

I had dinner with Lindsay & Debra Adams form Australia and Phil & Michelle Bedford from Dubai where I learned about some of the local customs and laws as well as the weather and best times to visit their countries. Both were more than willing to make connections, give feedback and share contacts should I need them.

In Florida, and the NACM National Conference I met a team from the UK who are looking to expand their business into the US. We had a wonderful discussion about the differences between business in the U.S. and business in the U.K. and how we might be able to help one another. Later I met Danielle Austin, a national expert on Export Letters of Credit for companies who are sending their goods overseas. We had a great dinner together since we were both there alone as presenters and learned how much Danielle loves what she does and how good she is at it.

In Canada, I met John Sawyer, President of the Oakville Chamber of Commerce, and the Mayor of Oakville. Paula Hope a trainer and speaker put on a fantastic event that I was able to present at, she and her team went above and beyond the call of duty. While there I met Christel Wintelsl, BNI Director and National Franchise Owner for Canada again. I was able to spend time and build a great relationship with Christel and Paula which adds great value to my network.

So, why do I tell you all this and why do you care? Simple, networking is a 24 hour a day activity, anywhere you go. I could have chosen to hide out and work in my room at each of these events but I chose to network, to meet new people, to find ways to connect and build the relationships.

Networking is not just about going to events and meetings, it is about connecting with people exactly where they are and asking “How can I help you.” Good Networking is about listening to what others are saying, and not being the authority in the room. Good networking is about leaving your ego at the door and be willing to be present in the moment with the people around you. Good networking is a wonderful way to build not only your business, but your life.

Today I decided to take advantage of the beautiful day and work out on the front porch.  It was sunny, light breeze and very quiet.  I set up my laptop, got out my cell phone and poured me a cup of coffee, I noticed just a few little birds chirping.  I thought  that it would be the perfect place to sit and do my conference call with Dr. Ivan Misner and authors from around the world.

Suddenly, the silence was shattered!  It sounded like a birdie gang war!  I stepped off my front porch, looked up on my roof to find a group of little sparrows and one little black bird in the middle of the sparrows.  Those sparrows were chirping, squawking, and tweeting at him.  All the while, he continued to sit on the roof peek in the middle of the sparrows as if he was deaf to their incessant chatter, every so often letting out a little chirp of his own.

As I watched this little bird drama play out I realized those birds were behaving much the same way that we humans behave with our networks. As a BNI Director I often visit many of the groups, some are big, others much smaller.  When I have a conversation with the chapters about inviting guest and adding new members, I will hear great reluctance from some of the members and I often get the following comment “We like the group small and intimate.”  “We like it the way it is.”  “We all get along now.”    It is often the strangers in the room who are the source of those dream referrals, it is those strangers who have the connections you are looking for or who become your next best customer.  How often do we discount the person not like us, the person who is the stranger in the room?

How do you treat the strangers who come into your network?  Do you stand around with your friends and try to figure out who they are, who invited them, what they are doing in the room?  Like the little birds?  Or do you reach out to  make them feel welcome? Do you take the time to build a relationship and add them to your network or, are you networking like the little sparrows twittering among yourselves and ignoring the stranger hopeing that he will go away?

Over the years I have developed a pretty deep network and one of the things that I spend a lot of time doing is up dating my database.  In the process of doing that this week I noticed that my strongest referral relationships are with guys.  So I began to think about that, why are there more males in my strong contact network instead of women and here are some of the things that I came up with.

When I sit down with a guy to build a referral relationship the conversation tends to be straight forward.  When I ask the question, “What can I do to help you grow your business?”  They almost always have a response.   They let me know exactly what it is I can do; “You can help me get more speaking engagements” or “If you do a newsletter it would be great if you would let me put an article in it.”

On the other hand if when I sit down with a female referral source and ask the same question I am often given this response; “I can’t think of anything but if I do I will let you know.”

Women seem to be challenged at knowing what they need and asking others to help them.  We feel that we cannot ask others to do things for us.  After all, have been raised to believe that it is our responsibility to take care of others, we do things for our spouses, our children, our family members even our co-workers.

One of the tough things for women to do it is ASK for what they want, clearly, succintly without guilt.  It is something that we really must learn if we are ever going to be good at leveraging our networks.  Keep in mind, we are not going to ask anyone for anything that we wouldd not do in return for them if they would ask.

Take a moment and ask yourself the following questions:

1.  What 2-3 things could I ask others to do to help me?  If you know in advance what kinds of things your networking members can do for you it will be easier for you to ask them when you are sharing a cup of coffee.

2.  List 3-4 people you would like to meet or be connected to.  Your network members are happy to connect you if you ask for someone specifically instead of “Anyone who needs my services.”  These might be professionals you want to add to your network, possible referral sources or potential clients.

3.  Make a list of the 4-5 people who might be willing to help you.  Most likely these are people in your network whom you have a relationship with.  They are people whom you are also willing to help if they ask you to.

It is important that you ask for what you want, there are members of your network who are more than happy to help you but they will not figure it out for you or take the initiative.  Our beliefe that “If they like me or if I do a good job for them, they will help me, refer me or connect me” hurts us.  We get what we ask for, if we wait for people to help us it may never happen.