Ladies we all know that building a strong business network is key to being the most successful in life and in business. Building a strong network requires two things, time and education, with the key requirement being time. After all it takes time to invest in our education.

Here is one tip to help you, learn to have a strong No! No, I cannot serve on the PTA Board this year. No, I cannot chair that fundraiser. No, I cannot take on that project at work. No, I cannot be the carpool mom for this activity. It is better to have a strong No than it is to have a weak Yes. A weak Yes ruins your credibility, and shows you as someone who only half commits. A strong No shows that you know you limitations and how to give effectively.

Take a look at what you are trying to accomplish, do your activities really support that? Instead of taking on new activities, take a look at the things that you are already doing and figure out how they are supporting you in building that network that you need. How much time are you spending at unproductive events? Would your time be better spent going to events where you know you will be able to connect with people already in your network? Do you really need to add more people right now?

Next ask yourself, how much time have you set aside for your personal and professional development? If you want to build a network of people who help you build a business you love, you need to set aside time to learn the skills it takes to build the relationships that help to build a business and life you love.

This week, take time to list all of your activities, how are they serving you? How are you serving them? Which of them do you need to give up? Where in your life, are you doing things out of a sense of duty versus a passion for the activity? Where in your life are you not really giving 100%?

When you do that, you will know what you need to give up and what you should say No to.

I was asked recently to speak at a conference here in Indianapolis. They told me they really didn’t have money for speakers, they were a not for profit organization for medical students called, Student National Medical Association. I was reluctant,to take on the project, after all it takes a lot of time to prep for a good program even if it is only 55 minutes long. But the program was local, at the J.W. Marriott, it was only 55 minutes and it was on the basic networking skills they need to practice, so I said yes, I would do it.

I am glad that I did. These students were hungry for the knowledge. Their young heads are full of facts, numbers, and all kinds of medical information. What no one has bothered to teach them is how to build and maintain a network that will help them find a job when they leave school.

My information was basic, geared for students, but the questions and comments that the students had after the program were both heart warming and disappointing. Universities let our students down in a big way when it comes to helping them build a network that will help them find jobs.   Statistically 85% of all jobs are found thru a personal recommendation from someone in our network. That being said, our students often start in a deficit as they have no network.

When students enter the university they should be given a class on networking. From the day they start they should start the process of building their networks. Every person they meet should go into their database, the professors who teach them, the mentors who help them, the students they connect too. Every part-time job they work is an opportunity to build relationships that will help in the future.

The students on my workshop asked me over and over again, why hasn’t anyone told us this, and how can I reconnect with some people who have really helped me? I gave them tips individually on how to reach back and reconnect, but I could not answer the first question. I don’t believe that universities across the country understand the importance of or the basics of building a network. Maybe, it is time that we reach out to our universities and help the students. It is a tough economy, there are fewer jobs to be had for the graduates, they need every edge they can get, and it has to start before they are ready to graduate.

I am glad that I decided to take the speaking engagement, and I feel blessed that I got to meet such wonderful students, doing great things

The first step to getting quality referrals is the trust step. All to often this is the one step that everyone tries to rush and it is the one step that is not controlled by you. While there are things that you can do that builds trust, it is actually up to the other person to decide when and if they trust you.

Until you have trust with others, there is no way that they are going to risk their reputation or their best clients with you. Every time you receive a referral from someone they are in fact lending you their credibility, their reputation.

What are the steps that you can take to build trust with your fellow network members? Think about what it takes before you trust another person. Do you trust fast, until someone proves they are not worthy of your trust, or do you trust slow, people must prove they are trustworthy first. What actions motivate you to trust?Here are some very simple things that build trust everyday.

First, do what you say you are going to do. This seems simple enough right? But all to often people over extend themselves or they say yes to things that they are really not interested in doing. If you say that you are going to do something for someone right it down on a task list, put a date and time next to it and getting it done.

In a survey of over 12,000 business people, participants stated that follow up was a key activity if they were going to pass referrals, when people did not follow up promptly they did not trust them to pass referrals to them.

Don’t talk about you, ask questions and show interest in learning about the other person.

Listen to the person who is talking to you, don’t look at your cell phone, don’t look over their shoulder, pay attention, show respect for their time and information.

Be positive, people who have a smile and positive attitude are the people we want to be around. They are likeable and we trust them quicker.

Lastly, whenever possible, give a lead, referral, connection or information. Practice the givers gain attitude, it will take you a long way in building strong trusting relationships.

Take your time, be authentic and people will trust and want to refer you. They will know that they can trust you to make them look good with their clients, family and friends. For more information on building trust I recommend the book.

If you get a chance pick up The Speed of Trust by Stephen Covey, he gives a systematic approach to building trust with a list of the 7 Secrets to building trust in your life.

I did a presentation today for the Indianapolis Chamber of Commerce, Business Growth Series.   I was asked the following question, How do you get connected to the decision maker of a company?

A good question and one that many people ask. The answer is simple, but it is not easy. Here is the answer for all of you who want to know the simple answer;   Ask you network to connect you.  There I told you it was simple, just ask.

Ah, but I also said, it was not easy.  Here is the rest of the answer.   There is a lot of work that must go into your network prior to asking and getting the connections.

1. You must develop your network – Too many business people spend all their time building these huge databases of people, constantly adding to it. They have very wide networks, but not very deep. Stop adding people to your network, take the time to identify the people in your network whom you need to really develop a relationship with. Go into your network and start working on building relationships.  See who is already referring you, find your key sources and connectors.  Spend time working in your network, develop the people you already know versus adding more people to the network.

2. Identify your key connectors. Who are they? In every network of people there are key connectors who will be able to connect you to a multitude of people you would not otherwise have the opportunity to meet. Build deeper relationships with your key connectors.

3.  Know who you want to be connected to.  This means you need to do a little homework and find out who this contact is you are after.  To often I hear “I want an introduction to the head of Marketing for the XYZ company.”    It would be more effective when asked this way:  ”I am looking for a personal introduction to David Jones, of the XYZ Company.”  Now your network knows who you want to be connected to and how you want to be connected.  They can easily look in their database and see if they know that person.   Most networkers never do the home work to identify who they want to know.

A few weeks ago I walked into a little shop downtown called Arts a Poppin. It was one of those places that sell all kinds of locally created art work.   As is always the case in shops like this, there were all kinds of unique items to catch my attention and beckon for me to carry them home.  As I picked up items, I wondered who made it and why?  What is the story?

On one shelf there lay these composition notebooks covered in vinyl covers of all colors.  None of them had really distinguishable designs on them, but they were high quality, very well made covers for composition notebooks.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I use a lot of composition books.  I carry them around with me all the time to keep notes, to do’s and idea in, so these covers interested me.  I picked them up looked them over and could not really figure them out.  Yes they were covers, nicely made, but the design or lack of design in the colors struck me as odd.  I noticed a small tag sewn on the cover that said, “Freakin Billboard” .  I also noticed the price tag of $19.99, I laid the one I had down and decided that I really did not need to spend $20 bucks on a vinyl cover for my $2.00 notebook.

Several days later I was invited to a party.  I met two women Ann and Beth,  we began to talk about what we did for a living.  They told me that they were into recycling, specifically they recycled Billboards.  Today’s Billboards are done in vinyl, when they are taken down they are thrown into landfills by the tons, so they decided to make “stuff” out of this water-proof material.  All kinds of stuff, messenger bags, purses and journals.  It was a fascinating story and as they were telling it, I thought back to the vinyl covered composition books at the shop.  Suddenly I realized those notebooks were their journals, Ann and Beth were “Freakin Billboard”!    Funny how small the world can seem sometimes.

The very next time I was downtown, I stopped into that same little shop, and I bought a vinyl cover for my composition notebook, the cost of $19.99, did not seem like that much because I knew the story behind the product.  You see the vinyl cover was just a vinyl cover until I knew the story, then it became something more.

Do people know your story and can other people tell your story?   Think about it.

In his book Business By Referral, Dr. Misner discusses the importance of knowing what is important to the people in your network. He developed the GAINS Profile as way to help facilitate conversation that was productive for network members to get to know each other.

The G in GAINS stands for Goals. One of the ways that network members can help each other is by understanding what each are trying to accomplish, in this way we can take an active role in helping our fellow networkers accomplish their Goals.

Do you know what the Goals are for the members of your Network? Do you know what is important for them to accomplish this year? If you learn that, you will learn ways that you can give to your network, helping them do the things that are important to them.

These do not need to be limited to professional Goals they can be personal goals also. One of my Goals this year was to lose enough weight to go down another dress size and maintain that.   A member of my network is a marathon trainer and encouraged me to get involved with his marathon group. Assuring me that he would support me throughout the process and it would help me reach my goal. Indeed it did, with his support, education and persistence I met my goal and I have a desire to help Cecil accomplish his Goals.

Take the time, ask your network members how you can help them reach their goals. When we help each other we all achieve more.

Welcome Guest Blogger - Tiffany Kellog, she is a friend, fellow Referral Institute Instructor and fellow Blogger.

Have you ever been at a networking event, and you were scoping out nametags, and you saw a name tag that had both a name and an industry. You think to yourself, I know what _______ does… for example, perhaps you see a florist, and you think that you know what a florist does… so why do you need to ask more? Perhaps you see a financial planner at a networking event… do you know what they do? (And are you now, while you are reading this, thinking I know what a financial planner does?)

Often times, by listing your profession on your name tag, you are painting yourself into a box, and it’s not always the one you want to be put in! The disadvantage of listing your industry on your name tag is that you are putting yourself into a category which will allow the people you meet to decide, before speaking to you, exactly what you do and who you are… and if they already have the answers to those questions, why continue on?

Instead of putting your professional category on the name tag, why not put something on your nametag that will have them asking you multiple questions about your business? The advantage is that you get to tell them EXACTLY what you do, and not have them fit you into their preconceived notion of your profession.

So, when you are at your next networking event (or ordering your next set of name tags), what will you be writing to describe what you do?

Having problems with filling in that blank? I recommend the Certified Networker Program, Module 1 & 9, to help come up with your Emotional Based Marketing Message and ideas on what you should put on your name tag.

Digging your well deep is important if you are going to get the best water, or even the precious oil that resides there. Have you ever seen a well that is only 3 feet deep and 6 feet wide?  Yes, they call them retention ponds and even they are deeper than 3 feet.  They serve little purpose beyond managing run off water.  This is not water you can go out and drink, it simply looks nice in most cases.  To get the clear cold water that can enrich your life, allow you to cook, clean, create steam and run a civilization you have to go deep.

It works the same way with your network.  The deeper you go with your relationships the more valuable the results you will reap.  Unfortunately, networking has the bad reputation of more is better.  In most cases, I find that people pretty much know all the people they really need to know in order to accomplish the things they really want to accomplish, only problem is, those relationships tend to be shallow and not well nurtured.

If you want to get results from your network go deeper, here are 5 things that you can do to begin the process of digging your networking well deeper.

1.  Choose 5 – It is easier to focus on a few versus the masses, if you have built a large network it is important to take a look at your inner circle.  From that circle, choose 5 whom you would like to have a better networking relationship and think about those 5 people and how you can help them.  Make deposits into the relationship.

2.  Get to know them – how much do you know about your 5 people.  You should know what Goals they are trying to accomplish in their business, what they are most proud of accomplishing, where else they network or would like to network, what are they passionate about beyond what they do for a living.

3.  Ask “How can I help you?” – find out ways that you can help your 5 people.  Can you distribute material for them, make an announcement for an event they are having, display their business cards, or mention them in your newsletter/blog?   Making deposits into the relationship assures you of the opportunity to make a withdrawal when you need it.

4.  Stay in contact – When communication changes so does the relationship, being out of contact for long periods of time slows down the relationship process and allows relationships to go cold.  Leave the occasional voice mail reminding your network that you are there to help them, drop a note card in the mail and of course invite your 5 to events and network together.

5.  Take advantage of Social Networking Sites – Facebook, Linkedin, and Twitter make it easy to keep up with your network.  Connect to them, read what they are posting, comment on their post and in general show them that you are interested in what they are doing and saying.   The Internet has made it so much easier to stay in communication for those times when you are out of the loop but still want your network to know you are interested in them.

All things being equal people want to do business with people they know, like and trust.  Going deeper into your network and building stronger relationships will reap you more rewards than constantly adding more strangers to the mix.  This week take some time to identify at least 5 people you would like to develop and start working on making deposits.

I went out into my backyard today to look at my crop of Indiana Tomatoes.
I was quite disappointed to find that they still have not ripened.  The weather has been very cool this year and that means the tomatoes ripen more slowly.    I am losing my patience because I want vine ripe tomatoes NOW!

Ironically,  I came into my office to open an email from one of our newest clients.  He and I are meeting for some one to one coaching around his DISC profile, he is a high D and likes results, NOW.   In his email he stated “Please send me the roster of current and past participants, so that I may have 2 referral partners identified by the time we meet.” Oh if it were only that easy!

Unfortunately,  the key to developing strong strategic relationships with a referral partner is patience.  Like my tomato plants there is more  involved than just sticking the plant in the ground and telling it to produce.   Your referral network must be nurtured, tended to, and supported.

Here are four keys to developing a strong referral network and growing good tomatoes

1. Identify the right kind of person to build the relationship with.  Just as choosing  the right kind of tomato plant is important,  you need to know what kind of referral relationship you want.  You can have contact sphere relationships that will yield lots of little incidental leads that can keep you very busy, kind of like the little cherry tomato plant that will give you bowls full of tomatoes quickly, or you can have a full fledged referral partnership that will yield larger, proactive,  high value referrals.  Similar to the the Big Boy tomato plant.  They take longer to grow, but well worth the wait.

2. Understand that time and consistent nurturing is required.  You can’t  just throw the plant in the ground and expect tomatoes to spring forth.  The same holds true for your referral relationships.  The relationship has to be built on a foundation of trust, understanding, collaboration and educations.

3. There has to be give and take in the process.  The tomato plant needs care, water, and plant food in return you get juicy red ripe tomatoes for all of your efforts.  When you give to your referral network they will in return give to you, if you consistently take with out giving eventually your network will wither and little or no fruit will be provided.

4. Diversity is important, this year I planted one kind of tomato, so of course I am still waiting.  If you plant a variety of tomatoes; plant some cherry tomatoes who will yield great flavor quickly,  as well as the slow growing variety that give your the bigger more flavorful fruit later in the year.  Your referral network can be built with a variety of relationships.  Those who will give you leads to follow up on while you are waiting for those that will give you the quality of referrals that will allow you to work smarter not harder.    Those little tomatoes will keep you fed until the big ones are ready!

Over time and with the right work, you can have  consistent quality referrals coming into your pipeline from a well nurtured network.  Remember, like the tomato plant, it takes time and work before you realize the fruit of your labor.  Be patient and don’t try to rush the process!

Do you LOVE what you do?  Would you do it for free if you had too?  I love what I do.  I know that what I do makes a major difference in the lives of others,  I  wake up in the morning excited about my day.  Do you?  This morning as I was speaking to a prospect for the Referrals for Life Program, and I was struck by her belief in herself and that what she does is important and helps others.  I thought to myself, this is exactly the kind of person that I like to work with, one who love what they do and wants to get better at it.  Her commitment to herself and her passion for helping her clients was obvious.

Passion is like the sweet nectar of a flower, it attracts the honey bee, who takes it to the hive to share with their “network”.  When you are passionate about what you do, your network taps into that passion and carries it out into their networks for you.

People want to work with people who believe in themselves, it is easier to put your trust in someone who believes that they are the best at what they do, it is also easier to refer that person to others.

So, let me ask you, do you believe in what you do, are you passionate, does it show?