The first step to getting quality referrals is the trust step. All to often this is the one step that everyone tries to rush and it is the one step that is not controlled by you. While there are things that you can do that builds trust, it is actually up to the other person to decide when and if they trust you.

Until you have trust with others, there is no way that they are going to risk their reputation or their best clients with you. Every time you receive a referral from someone they are in fact lending you their credibility, their reputation.

What are the steps that you can take to build trust with your fellow network members? Think about what it takes before you trust another person. Do you trust fast, until someone proves they are not worthy of your trust, or do you trust slow, people must prove they are trustworthy first. What actions motivate you to trust?Here are some very simple things that build trust everyday.

First, do what you say you are going to do. This seems simple enough right? But all to often people over extend themselves or they say yes to things that they are really not interested in doing. If you say that you are going to do something for someone right it down on a task list, put a date and time next to it and getting it done.

In a survey of over 12,000 business people, participants stated that follow up was a key activity if they were going to pass referrals, when people did not follow up promptly they did not trust them to pass referrals to them.

Don’t talk about you, ask questions and show interest in learning about the other person.

Listen to the person who is talking to you, don’t look at your cell phone, don’t look over their shoulder, pay attention, show respect for their time and information.

Be positive, people who have a smile and positive attitude are the people we want to be around. They are likeable and we trust them quicker.

Lastly, whenever possible, give a lead, referral, connection or information. Practice the givers gain attitude, it will take you a long way in building strong trusting relationships.

Take your time, be authentic and people will trust and want to refer you. They will know that they can trust you to make them look good with their clients, family and friends. For more information on building trust I recommend the book.

If you get a chance pick up The Speed of Trust by Stephen Covey, he gives a systematic approach to building trust with a list of the 7 Secrets to building trust in your life.

While I was doing research for a book that I am working on, I came across this quote, left by a survey participant. “I am very tired of networking for the sake of networking I find nothing to hook onto. Everyone talks, there is nothing to happen, nothing happens.”  This is not an uncommon sentiment, I have heard it time and again from people who are running around doing willy-nilly networking. Networking without a plan and a system can be frustrating.

I have broken the statement down and offered 4 techniques that would turn this persons experience of networking from a waste of time to a successful use of time.

1. “I am tired of networking for the sake of networking” Networking for the sake of networking is a waste of time. I can certainly understand why one would feel tired of networking if they are going to events with no goals or intention set before attending.  Set a goal prior to attending the event, how many people do you need to meet, whom do you want to meet, what professions are you looking to connect with, all of these are reasonable goals for a networking event. I often use a 3×5 card to jot down my networking goals. Once I have met the goal I know I am now free to leave or just socialize.

2. “I find nothing to hook on to” A simple change of mind set is needed here. Instead of looking for something for yourself, shift your mindset to “Givers Gain”.   Start thinking about how you might be able to help others in the room. That simple mindset will completely change the way that you approach each person and you will find that there are many opportunities to “hook onto”.

3. “Everyone talks” Often at networking events I feel like it is a bunch of televisions talking to one another.   No one is listening. Next time you are at an event and the room has gotten loud ask the person you are trying to have a conversation with to step away from the crowd, then begin to ask them questions allowing them to talk while you listen. People want to be heard unfortunately there are not enough of us listening.

4. “Nothing to happen,nothing happens” There may be some unreal expectations set here. What kind of things are you expecting to happen at a networking event? Realistically it is an opportunity to meet people and find ways to build a deeper relationship. Until there is a relationship built on mutual trust, likely there will be little happening. Unfortunately most people go to networking events with unrealistic expectations, when building a business by referral you must be willing to invest time in your network.

Good networking requires a plan, a follow up system, and time.  Do you have a plan?   Are you working it?

I am in the business of helping other people and in return I have made a good living.. I know that my higher calling in life is to contribute to others. I also understand that as I help others be more successful, I too become more successful. I love my businesses and I love the impact I have on others.

What I don’t love, are the people who will say things like; “Hazel is only in it for the money.” “She only wants us to invite more people to BNI so she can make more money.” and my favorite is, “You don’t know what it is like to not have money and to scrape by.” At first when I hear these remarks I become very defensive. I have a need to explain how I have had to work for everything I have and how when the members grow their chapters they help themselves and their businesses, and we all succeed.

Today as I reflect I realize I too have made judgements and assumptions about other people only to find out how truly wrong I was about them later on. I allowed jealousy and envy to cloud my thinking and that always leads to resentment. I got to know the people and learn about them, and who they are in the world, have been ashamed of myself for making assumptions. Most of these people have become very good friends who have added great value to my life and my businesses.

When I take a step back from those remarks, and I have time to think about it, I realize that they are making the same judgements and assumptions about me that I once made about others. They dont know who I am, where I came from, how hard I work or what my intentions are, their judgements are based on something that has nothing to do with me, so there is really no reason for me to be bothered. I will let my actions speak for me by continuing to practice the Givers Gain Philosophy of Life.

Who are you making assumptions about? Find that person, sit down with them and have a conversation, you just might find that your assumptions and judgements are wrong and there is a new friendship in the making.

When I began my path of networking in 1991 my sole intention was to build my business. I never considered what impact my network would have on my life, the people I would meet, the places I would travel and the things that I would be able to do, because of the network I have developed.

As I sit on an airplane headed to Massachusetts to spend time with my friends whom I met networking at BNI’s international conferences, I have had time to reflect upon my life and how it has been impacted by the diversity of my network.

Last week I was in Scotland at a friends wedding, this week I was in Big Bear California where I spent time with people from all over the country and my friend Sarah from England as well as Michael Gerber and his wife.

Because of the time invested in my network I have had the opportunity to build a business that I love and travel the world to help those in my network.

Unfortunately too many people spend time only networking with those of their own kind, those whom live in the same area, speak the same language, and dress the same way. This is a very limiting way to build a network.

Step out, go network at places where you have never networked before. Meet people who are different, from other places, different states, cities, and countries. When your network is diverse your life becomes enriched and opportunities are presented that would never have happened otherwise.

You can have anything you want in life, go anywhere in the world, and create a life you love when you build a far reaching and diverse network. So, step out of your comfort zone, go somewhere new, meet new people in a new place, diversify your network.

One of the first things I work with my clients on is the proper use of “Networking”, as well as the best ways to use their time and energy when they are networking. Over the last 15 years, I have watched people spend many hours networking. As a matter of fact I was one of those people. It is exactly how I got the moniker, “Queen of Networking”. One day, my mentor asked me to begin to track all my time. Time that I spent networking, time I spent answering the phone, emails, working on projects, surfing the net, and so on. This was an eye opening experience.   I found that most of the stuff I was doing was not having a positive impact on my business bottom line.

60% of all of my activities in a given week were around networking. Going to the events, following up with every single card that I collected, staying in contact via email and phone calls, screening and fielding emails and phone calls from people who met me while networking, signing up for other events, driving to events, preparing for the events and so forth and so on. You get the picture; I was a very busy lady. Busy does not equal profitable.

Once we had a clear understanding about where my time was going, it was now time to look at how much of that time was actually having a positive impact on my business bottom line. What became painfully clear is while 60% of my time was spent, adding people to my database, and networking, networking, networking, 80% of my income was coming from 10-12 people, 200 where people whom I knew, supported and referred and the other 3000 names and contacts in my database were just that – names and unfulfilled relationships.

The most important feedback that my mentor gave me was simply this statement; “Imagine what your business would look like if you spent 60% of your time nurturing the 10-12 people who are helping to grow your business.” It was a statement that would keep me up at night.

Today you will not find me at every event and when I attend a networking event, I do so very strategically. I have a goal in mind, a purpose to be fulfilled and connections to make for at least one of those 12 people who were helping me to build my business. When I network for others, my own business grows with very little effort on my part. I have the opportunity to see “Givers Gain” in action.   Before you go to your next networking event ask yourself the following questions:

• Where is most of my business coming from?
• Which organizations are producing results for my business?
• Who passes me the most business?
• What are my goals for the event?
• Who do I need to help?
• How can my networking activities help my referral sources?
• What is my networking budget in both time and money?

I have been reading and working through Jack Canfields book, “The Success Principals“.  I mentor a couple of people and we hae decided to work this book together, allowing us to hold each other accountable to actually implementing the principals in the book.  So we have had a lot of conversation about Responsibility and how responsibility shows up for each of us.

As I have worked through this first section of the book I have done a lot of thinking about all the ways that we do and do not take responsibility and how that applies to the many areas of our lives.  As a person who teaches  business owners and sales professionals systems for generating top level referred prospects for their businesses I look at how responsibility applies to that process.

In his book Jack talks about taking 100% Responsibility and giving up excuses.  So, let me ask, do you take 100% Responsibility for the results that your network produces?  Most of us will say yes, but I know taht is not ture.  I hear over and over again the following statement, “Oh I was a member of that organization or tried that program and “It” did not work for me”  Who has the responsibility in that statement?  The very moment that you use that staement, you have given up all responsibility.  Once you give up responsibility you have given up any and all opportunity to change the results.

Building your business by referrals takes a system, networking by itself is only one tool used to develop referrals, and it is your responsibility to learn to use those tools to their full potential.  There is a lot of resposibilite that comes with networking and referrals such as:

• You are responsible for making your referral partners look good.  Even if that means you walk away from the deal.
• You are responsible for giving to your network if you expect them to give to you.
• You are responsible for learning how your referral partner want to be referred
• You are responsible for learning whom they want to be referred
• You are responsible for teaching them the same about you
• You are responsible for keeping your network updated on the referrals that you have received from them
• You are responsible for tracking and rewarding your network for their help

If you network is not working and your referral partners are not referring then it is time for you to take 100% Responsibility for it and stop making excuses.

I am in a stage of my life and business were I get to enjoy the fruits of my hard work. Business is good and I am enjoying my life. As I have grown professionally, personally and spiritually I have learned that my life is about the relationships I build and the contribution that I make in others lives. I am often asked what my secret is and I say over and over again, it is the way that I have designed my life.

Because I believe that it is important for each of us to stop, look behind us , put out our hand and help someone else. To Mentor another is one of the highest forms of Givers Gain. We give of our time, our knowledge and our support to someone else for the sheer purpose of giving back to another. Currently, I mentor 3 young people, Ryan, Tiffany and Brandon. Each are young entrepreneurs, looking for guidance, help in living their lives and growing their businesses.

Ryan is a young man who is very giving and bright. He has developed software and is working on finding investors. He is the guardian for his nephews, has overcome a major health issue caused by an accident and has a positive and supportive attitude.

Tiffany is a young woman who has a passion for history, for life and for giving and helping others. Her energy is contagious and willingness to learn is inspiring.

Brandon is a bright young man who exudes talent and energy.  He just needs direction and focus. His willingness to learn and a desire to improve both himself and his life makes Brandon is a joy to mentor.

It was never my intention to be a mentor but I find that people show up whom I am called to help. In my life there have been people who have helped me create success in my life and business. They were willing to reach back, put out a hand and help me as I was coming up the path. People who helped me professionally in my business, people who helped spiritually, and those who gave me help in my day to day life. I believe that as business professionals and human beings we are called to help others who are trying to achieve in life what we have achieved.

How do you find someone to mentor? I have never gone looking for someone to mentor. Each of the young people I mentor showed up in my life. If you heart and mind is open to the possibility of helping others, those people will show up in your life.

You will find that as you mentor others your life is blessed and enriched in ways that you never thought possible. Be open to the possibility and the protegees will show up.

In many sales-oriented networking books and course, people are taught that networking is a selling tool and part of that lesson is what’s known as the Three Foot Rule: “Anyone within three feet of you is an opportunity to make a sale.”

We feel that not only is this bad advice for the networker, one that seriously decreases the chance for quality connection (many “3-Footers” mysteriously find themselves unable to get within three feet of anyone in a very short period of time), but that it also creates a negative feeling to the whole concept of networking in the minds of others.

As a result, people begin to avoid any event or activity labeled “networking” because they neither wish to participate in this hard-sell technique, nor do they wish to be exposed to it, especially in a concentrated form, in doing so we all lose out on valuable opportunities for service, connection and growth.

So, in the true spirit of connection-based networking (adding value to interactions in order to create and strengthen our connections with others), we hereby present our own Three Foot Rule, and hope you’ll join us in finding ways to make it our mission for the future of networking:

“Every person within three feet of you is an opportunity to serve.”   Dr. Ivan R Misner

I have spent years networking with both men and women.  In that time I have noticed a lot of difference between how the two sexes network.  I have come to realize that Women  are really very natural networkers.

Building a strong network requires that you nurture the relationships that you have developed.  Women are very good at nurturing, they stop to do those little things that make others feel special.  They remember birthdays, they send cards, the give referrals and connections to others, and they volunteer to help whenever possible.

Women tend to be good listeners,  one of the most important traits of good networkers.  So they often hear the needs of others and seek to connect them to people who can fill those needs.  Acting as a matchmaker between the two.

Women understand and operate under the philosophy of givers gain naturally. They understand the old adage that it is better to give than to receive.  They are quick to give to others, they are quick to help, they are more than willing to introduce two people and help them to connect.

If you want to have a strong referral source in your network, ask a woman, she’s a natural.