It’s 4:00 p.m. and I have worked a long day, starting my day getting the family and myself out the door and on time to our respective place, now I am running this child to soccer, and that child to baseball, picking up the dry cleaning , rushing home to get the kids started on their homework for school tomorrow, do a couple of loads of laundry, put the dog out, answer the phone and pack lunches for tomorrow, when suddenly I hear, from the far side of the house, over the TV, the following statement, “Honey what’s for dinner?” I stop in my tracks and think, “What is wrong with him, it’s like having one more child in the house.”

 As a mom, wife and business owner, managing my time became extremely important. I was always seeking some sort of balance between the 3 areas of my life. Most of the time I felt like the Ring Master of a Three Ring Circus, with lots of clowns running around me out of control. I knew that networking was important for creating visibility for me and my business, but I also had commitments with the kids schools, PTA, with family members and my spouse. If I was going to a networking event I had to make sure family was cared for in my absence. If it was an evening meeting and I left the kids with Dad, I had to make sure that he had something ready to feed the kids, leave notes reminding them to get homework done and when I got home make sure that their breakfast was set out and lunch money on the table. Time permitting maybe a load of laundry before bed. It can be overwhelming and may cause many women to network less than their male counterparts.

Networking events take place everyday of the week, at many different hours, early morning meetings, lunch hour meetings and evening meetings. Finding the right time to make it all fit together can be a bit of a challenge. Here are some findings from the American Time use Survey about how men and women use their time, there are no shocking results and ladies, there is nothing here that you did not already know:

1. According to the survey, among full time workers men worked slightly longer than women an average of 8.2 hours versus 7.8 hours for women

2. Chores: On an average day, 20% of men did housework – such as cleaning or doing laundry, compared to 52% of women.

3. Meals: 37% of men did food prep or cleanup compared with 64% of women, indicating that men are more involved when it comes to eating. (Is anyone surprised here?)

Childcare: During an average weekday, women spent 1.2 hours providing physical care such a s bathing or feeding a child while men spent 23 minutes and on weekends women provided about an hour of physical care to household children while men spent about half an hour. (taken from: Battle of the Sexes www.mysalary.com )

The US Census Bureau in November 2009 states there are approximately 13.7 million single parents in the US and nearly 84% of those are single moms and 16% are fathers. This group will find that they are in need of more flexibility when it comes to the time that they are able to commit to networking. Today more than ever women are starting businesses as a way of having flexibility for their lives and their families.

The very fact that we are so busy being the Ring Master for our personal circus, it is vitally important that we make the best use of the time we have dedicated to our networking and business activities. One thing that both men and women can do to help themselves is to develop good systems around their networking activities. Spending time going deep into the network that they already have instead of running around meeting more and more new people.

So let me challenge you here ladies, and gentlemen, before you put on your best dress, gather up your business cards and head out the door to meet more new people, stop, take some time and figure out who is already in your network.   Then spend some time working on the network you have.  Take those relationships deeper before adding more.

Women do not like to talk about their accomplishments, they feel that it is bragging which is unlady like and impolite.  Ladies, there is a big difference between “bragging” and sharing your accomplishments, and the latter is important if you are going to network effectively with men.  Listen to men talk to one another when they are networking and you will hear them tell each other about what they do, who they know, what schools they have gone to, what deals they have closed, even what things they have accomplished.  Here is a comment left in our survey;

#280 When I meet with women to network and discuss business I find we spend about 90% of the time getting to know each other, we discuss family, who we are, our backgrounds , etc. then we spend about 10% of time talking about business.    When meeting with men I find we spend 10% of our time getting to know each other and 90% of our time talking about business.   Both approaches are effective, but I enjoy networking with women more.

When women hear men talking they often think they are egotistical and bragging. The reality is they are building credibility with one another, when they are duly impressed they go off and do business with each other.

 Women on the other hand speak to relate to each other, they are looking to learn more about the person, who are they, what do they have in common, do they like each other, do they want to help one another? When they feel they have a connection they go forward and build a relationship of support.

#220  In my experience, women tend to network intuitively, but they tend to focus on relationship issues.  Men tend to network by design, and they tend to focus on business issues.

#178 I find that most women who network are definitely more interested in developing a relationship and then business later.  Most men get right into the conversation of  ”so what do you do?”

 Now, put a man and a woman together at a networking event and you will find they completely miss the mark when they are communicating to one another. He is telling her all about his accomplishments while she is trying to find a way to relate, he walks a way wondering why women cannot just talk about business, and she is wondering why they have to be so egotistical! They have missed the connection.

 It is important that we learn to communicate with each other more effectively, follow the lead of the person speaking.  If they are speaking about what they have accomplished, respond in a similar fashion.  On the other hand if they are speaking in a relational manner, respond in a similar fashion. When we learn to adapt to one another we can more effectively connect and refer each other allowing us both to do more business.

I met with one of my clients yesterday and we talked about his target market, I had a conversation with a friend who runs her business and we talked about her target market.  I had a phone call with a potential referral partner  to discuss our referral strategy and we talked about our target market.

It seems that Target Market is an important subject, and one that every business should focus on clarifying.  So why does it seem so difficult, for businesses and solopreneurs to identify a target market?  Not having clarity on this topic creates a whole host of problems;

1.  You spend your marketing money using an ineffective shotgun approach that nets low value results.

2.  You find yourself networking at completely inappropriate places.  If I sell cars and I know that 65% of all new car purchasing decisions are made by women, then I am going to go network with women and other businesses who sell to women, not a room full of men.

3.  You end up having the wrong conversations with the wrong people at the wrong time.  Because you are looking for anybody who needs your services you waste a lot of time talking to everybody even when they are the wrong somebodies.

4.  You cannot develop a good referral partner and you end up with a lot of sources who are referring you low level, low value leads.  A good referral partner has the exact same target market as you do, you are focused and you have a strategy for developing referrals.

5.  You miss great opportunities because you are so busy taking care of the low value clients and customers that your high value opportunities are passed by.

10% of your clients create 80% of your income and 10% of your clients suck up 80% of your time and generate little income, why would you use shotgun approaches that only net you more of the latter?  If you focus on the top 10%, spend your time and money seeking more of them, the other 80% will just show up and you will be able to regularly clear out the bottom 10% thus freeing up your time to nurture the top 10%.

Women business owners have reason to feel good. According to the survey, in the most recent 10-year period, the number of women-owned businesses in the U.S. grew by 44 percent (twice as fast as men-owned firms) and, women-owned firms added 500,000 new jobs.

Women are growing business twice as fast as men, they are employing thousands of people.  It is crazy for men to neglect his market when they are hitting the networking circuit.  It is not that men do not network with women they just don’t do it well.  Not that they really don’t want to and not that they don’t try, there are just little things that cause the connections to go south.

Here are 3 things that men can do to make their chances of connecting with women better.

1. When opening a conversation with a woman, don’t go straight to business.  Ask them to tell you something about themselves.  Women are looking for ways to connect, some common ground that will allow for a relational conversation.
2. Listen to the women that you meet at networking event. Yes women talk more than men, they have deeper conversations that men do often sharing a great deal of information in a very storytelling way.  Men can learn a great deal by asking questions and just listening.
3. Never under estimate how serious a woman takes her business. Just because she may be selling a product or a service that seems soft and fluff, like cosmetics, clothing, child care or any other personal service, does not mean she does not take her business as serious as any man may take his.

Women are creating business, they have a need for services, they know other women who need products and services but they are not going to share that information with someone who they do not have a trusting relationship with.  Building those relationships will take time and work, but if you are not willing to invest both, men and women can connect and refer to one another very successfully.

I am in the business of helping other people and in return I have made a good living.. I know that my higher calling in life is to contribute to others. I also understand that as I help others be more successful, I too become more successful. I love my businesses and I love the impact I have on others.

What I don’t love, are the people who will say things like; “Hazel is only in it for the money.” “She only wants us to invite more people to BNI so she can make more money.” and my favorite is, “You don’t know what it is like to not have money and to scrape by.” At first when I hear these remarks I become very defensive. I have a need to explain how I have had to work for everything I have and how when the members grow their chapters they help themselves and their businesses, and we all succeed.

Today as I reflect I realize I too have made judgements and assumptions about other people only to find out how truly wrong I was about them later on. I allowed jealousy and envy to cloud my thinking and that always leads to resentment. I got to know the people and learn about them, and who they are in the world, have been ashamed of myself for making assumptions. Most of these people have become very good friends who have added great value to my life and my businesses.

When I take a step back from those remarks, and I have time to think about it, I realize that they are making the same judgements and assumptions about me that I once made about others. They dont know who I am, where I came from, how hard I work or what my intentions are, their judgements are based on something that has nothing to do with me, so there is really no reason for me to be bothered. I will let my actions speak for me by continuing to practice the Givers Gain Philosophy of Life.

Who are you making assumptions about? Find that person, sit down with them and have a conversation, you just might find that your assumptions and judgements are wrong and there is a new friendship in the making.

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
Jim Rohn

If we are going to be the best that we can be in this life, then it is important that you surround yourself with others who are striving to be the best that they can be. When you are developing referral partners this is also very important. The relationship between referral partners becomes very close, when the relationship is working well you are meeting and developing referral strategies, sending your best customers and building strong relationships with this person. After all you are helping each other to succeed.

• Do they have a positive and supportive attitude.
• Do they have a giving attitude
• Are they open to learning and growing
• Do they support you and your vision

Surround yourself with people who are going where you want to go. When you have people on the path with you it makes the journey so much easier..

Friends who care about you are hard to find and should be held onto even when one screws up. There is always room for open honest communication and forgiveness. The hardest part is the open honest communication, and ASKING for Forgiveness then GIVING it!

I wrote the above statement and posted in on my Facebook Profile, because of the numerous comments I decided to write more here. The most important thing that we build in our lives are relationships, the people whom we call friends, those who help us, mentor, encourage and cheer us on. Now and then we screw up, do something wrong or hurt someones feeling and suddenly we find that we have caused great damage to the relationship. We may not have intended to do it, nevertheless we did. At this point we have a choice, let the relationship die or reach out and attempt to repair the relationship.

Repairing the relationship first requires open and honest communication. Both sides need to be willing to speak what is there without blame or excuses, to listen to one another. That communication should consist of 3 things.

Take Responsibility – don’t make excuses, don’t blame, just take responsibility. Part of taking responsibility is making sure you have taken steps not to repeat the action.

Ask for Forgiveness – asking for forgiveness is not easy. It is necessary if you want to recover your relationship. There is nothing more that needs to be said beyond “I take full responsibility for my actions and I ask for your forgiveness.”

Give Forgiveness – if you want others to forgive you when you screw up, and you will, be willing to Give Forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean that you condone the action, you just release the anger, upset and disappointment and move forward.

People who really care about us don’t come along everyday. We are all human and in our humanity we screw up, it is our nature, but it does not mean that we have to give up the friendships we have created.

Going out for a drink with friends, playing golf, and hanging out at a cookout are all ways that we build relationships. It is the social aspects of our relationships that make for strong business relationships too. It is those times when I get to know someone personally that makes me want to help them achieve their goals. While we may not be fast friends we have developed a deeper relationship and it is that relationship that builds trust and a desire to help. Building my network effectively is very important to me, adding the right people, building relationships with them requires that I stay in communication with them.

One of the things that I love about Twitter is my ability to have communication with local tweeters, to meet them face to face at tweet-ups in a casual manner. Because we have spent so much time getting to know each other on twitter it is as if we have already met, we start the relationship much further along than if I had just met them. I already know what they are interested in by the tweets they post and the links the tweet. I learn about their business when they tweet and list their blogs and I build credibility with my followers when I take the time to post good material on my blog, when I post good tweets. I give to my network of tweeters by recommending them and retweeting their tweets. When we finally do meet at a tweet-up we already know each other.

If you are tweeting take a little time to set up groups of local people who are tweeting. They are most likely people you are going to have the opportunity to meet and build networking relationships with. For me, Tweetdeck has been a great tool for sorting my tweeters and creating groups that I can interact with, create relationships with and add to my network.

I go to a lot of events, from workshops, seminars, networking events and social events, and I talk to a lot of people.  I am comfortable asking people questions and drawing them out or sharing information back and forth.   But I hate it when one person wants to show the group how much smarter he is than everyone else and dominates the conversation with his blinding brilliance,  that no one really cares about.  Then to top it off, he is speaking in “Jargon” you know the “Code” of his industry.  After all that makes him look smarter and he is just waiting for one of us to ask him a question about it so he can show off some more, as he leads us down another Jargon Riddled path.  PLEASE don’t be one of these people;

Here are 3 simple tip for you to follow:

1.  Don’t speak in your industry code.  No one really knows what the heck you are talking about and really are not that interested.  It is kind of like being in a room full of people who speaking in a foreign  language, they all understand each other, but you feel left out.

2.  Do not Monopolize the conversation, especially when you are a guest at the event.  Answer questions as succinctly as possible and move on unless you are asked another question.  Sometimes you just need to say, that question would take a lot of explaining maybe we could excuse our selves or meet one to one.

3. Take time to really listen to others and ask them questions about what they want or need.  80% of good conversation is in the Listening.

Don’t be a Jargon junkie, conversation hog at your next event, ask questions and listen to others. When answering a question be succinct, you will make more friends and people will want to learn more about you.