If you ask people to describe networking you will get a variety of responses, most often it sounds something like this, “going to events where business people exchange business cards and talk business with one another.”  While indeed that is a good description of what a lot of “networking” events look like, it is not the only way that networking takes place.  People get so hung up on the formal side of networking that they completely miss all the other opportunities to network.  I personally spend far less time at “networking events” and far more time networking in ways that I enjoy.

Recently, I was invited to be part of #Social46.  This is a group of social media minded people who have strong networks, they were asked to support the Super Bowl 2012 committee in welcoming guest and helping them out using social media.  I was honored to be asked, and took advantage of the opportunity. Many of these are people I have heard of but never met in person, some I knew and have relationships with and still others I have never met online or offline.  This is the kind of networking that I enjoy, a group of people bound together for a common cause.

It does not take long to build strong relationships with people who have a common cause because you are all working and supporting one another to achieve that cause.  For this group there was the added excitement of being able to connect the city and the visitors, and being the first city to ever fully use social media in such a large event. I have a strong affinity for many of the participants, they are my role models on Social Media, and they are so giving of their time and efforts.  These are the kind of people I want in my network, who I want to learn more about, and who I feel good about referring to others because their “Givers Gain” attitude make them so referrable.

Working with a small group of people for a common cause is often far more effective that going month after month to big “networking” events.  Take a look a the networking that you are doing, how are you breaking out of the traditional mode and finding new ways to connect and build relationships?  Share some of your ideas with us!

Flirting:  to court trifling or act amorously without any serious intentions

Flirting is a basic instinct, part of human nature. This is not surprising: if we did not initiate contact and express interest in members of the opposite sex, we would not progress to reproduction, and the human species would become extinct. According to some evolutionary psychologists, flirting may even be the foundation of civilization as we know it. (www.sirc.org)

Flirting as you can see is a natural way of interacting for men and women. It is what we do, sometimes just for fun, other times with the intention to attract. So what is the harm in flirting when we are networking? Go to any networking event and you will see flirting, both men and women. Is it a bad thing? That would depend upon what you are going to the networking events for. What are you trying to achieve? One of the  biggest complaints that women have when working with and networking with men is that they are not taken seriously.

As a woman if I want men to take me and my business seriously, then I must first take myself and my business seriously. When women are flirting, men begin to see them in a different light than the professional light they want. While these women may indeed be asked for an appointment the complaint that we here from women is that the appointment was nothing more than a pretense for a date.

Over time other women will begin to exclude the flirt from their circle of information and connections. The constant flirting can often cost the flirt the credibility she seeks build when networking. Unfortunately, men who flirt are not held to the same level of accountability by women or men.

So, ladies, if you are flirting, it could be costing you connections, information, and being taken seriously by the very men you are flirting with. Remember that business networking should be treated as business, flirting at business functions should be avoided if you are looking to create high lever business relationships.

Women business owners have reason to feel good. According to the survey, in the most recent 10-year period, the number of women-owned businesses in the U.S. grew by 44 percent (twice as fast as men-owned firms) and, women-owned firms added 500,000 new jobs.

Women are growing business twice as fast as men, they are employing thousands of people.  It is crazy for men to neglect his market when they are hitting the networking circuit.  It is not that men do not network with women they just don’t do it well.  Not that they really don’t want to and not that they don’t try, there are just little things that cause the connections to go south.

Here are 3 things that men can do to make their chances of connecting with women better.

1. When opening a conversation with a woman, don’t go straight to business.  Ask them to tell you something about themselves.  Women are looking for ways to connect, some common ground that will allow for a relational conversation.
2. Listen to the women that you meet at networking event. Yes women talk more than men, they have deeper conversations that men do often sharing a great deal of information in a very storytelling way.  Men can learn a great deal by asking questions and just listening.
3. Never under estimate how serious a woman takes her business. Just because she may be selling a product or a service that seems soft and fluff, like cosmetics, clothing, child care or any other personal service, does not mean she does not take her business as serious as any man may take his.

Women are creating business, they have a need for services, they know other women who need products and services but they are not going to share that information with someone who they do not have a trusting relationship with.  Building those relationships will take time and work, but if you are not willing to invest both, men and women can connect and refer to one another very successfully.

Ladies we all know that building a strong business network is key to being the most successful in life and in business. Building a strong network requires two things, time and education, with the key requirement being time. After all it takes time to invest in our education.

Here is one tip to help you, learn to have a strong No! No, I cannot serve on the PTA Board this year. No, I cannot chair that fundraiser. No, I cannot take on that project at work. No, I cannot be the carpool mom for this activity. It is better to have a strong No than it is to have a weak Yes. A weak Yes ruins your credibility, and shows you as someone who only half commits. A strong No shows that you know you limitations and how to give effectively.

Take a look at what you are trying to accomplish, do your activities really support that? Instead of taking on new activities, take a look at the things that you are already doing and figure out how they are supporting you in building that network that you need. How much time are you spending at unproductive events? Would your time be better spent going to events where you know you will be able to connect with people already in your network? Do you really need to add more people right now?

Next ask yourself, how much time have you set aside for your personal and professional development? If you want to build a network of people who help you build a business you love, you need to set aside time to learn the skills it takes to build the relationships that help to build a business and life you love.

This week, take time to list all of your activities, how are they serving you? How are you serving them? Which of them do you need to give up? Where in your life, are you doing things out of a sense of duty versus a passion for the activity? Where in your life are you not really giving 100%?

When you do that, you will know what you need to give up and what you should say No to.

 Last week I posted 3 Things that Women Do Better Than Men, today it is the guys turn. Can you believe it ladies, there are things that men do better than we women. Of course you can, it is designed by nature. Men are great at doing a variety of things while women are great at others, we are different in every aspect of business and life. In this case we are going to look at 3 things that men do better at networking that women do.

 The goal is for us to learn how to network with men and leverage our networks more effectively. Women are great at building strong long term relationship. Where we are weak is taking those relationships and turning them in to business opportunities, for referrals and even sales. Here are 3 things that men do better and we can learn to do it too.

1.  They can identify business opportunities quicker than women. Men can see opportunity and they are willing to go after in much quicker. In the world of networking, men can identify where they are most likely to be able to get and give referrals with someone.

2. They are more willing to ask for what they want. Their fear of rejection is much less than a woman’s fear of rejection. They are not afraid to ask people to do things for them, and they are clear about what they want and approach people in business with that in mind.

3. Men are much better at not taking things personally, they understand that it is about the business. They can have the business deal go bad and they know it should not get in the way of their friendship.

 These are great traits for women to be able to do also. My next post will discuss how we can benefit by learning from each other. What kinds of thing have you noticed about the differences in men and women networking?

I went to Ireland in February to speak at a conference, I connected with some of my friends there, and made many new friends, last week I was in Australia, training a group of franchise owners.  In August I will be in Africa working with a team of franchise owners, and in October, I am going to go hang out with friends in London, Paris and Scotland.   Ten years ago I would not have believed that I could know someone on every continent of the globe, but today, I do.  It makes for a diversely rich network, allowing me to learn, connect and travel the world.

One of the benefits of traveling,  teaching and learning is my appreciation of my very own country, to be able to see the US through the eyes of those outside the US.  To travel the way that I do in the world never would have happened if I had not decided to be intentional about the creation of my network.  Every single opportunity that I have had to travel has been the result of my network, they have referred me over and over to others.  They extend invitations and make me feel at home in a foreign place.

Today it is not hard at all to build a global network.  With social media sites like Facebook, Linkedin, and  Twitter and international face to face organizations like Rotary, Toastmasters and BNI the world continues to feel as if it is shrinking.  When you meet someone on the other side of the world who knows someone you know, it hits you, just how connected we all are!

Here are a few things that you can do to increase your global connections and create contacts around the world.

1.  Social Media – Get active on sites like Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn and start connecting globally. These are the big three. But, I have found there are more region specific sites like Ecademy that are heavily used by Europeans, so I am able to have more conversations and stay up on world topics by participating there. There are also sites that are more heavily influenced by Asian participants too.

2.  Attend international trade shows and conferences. Attending workshops with people from all over the world allows you to connect over a common interest. This opens the door for future conversations and connection. Don’t forget to follow up with the people that you meet! I am a member of the National Speakers Association and one of my best connections came from the New York Conference where I was able to meet with Lindsay Adams, President of the International Speakers Association. I had the opportunity to co-present with him while I was in Australia because of the connection we made at conference.

3.  When the opportunity to take a program comes up go to a city with international influence. Given the opportunity I prefer to go to Chicago because I know that I am more likely to meet people from all over the world than I would if I stay in my own town. I have made several great contacts using this tactic alone.

4.  Get involved in international organizations like BNI, Toastmasters and Rotary where you can connect globally while doing business locally. These are organizations that have large global memberships and a common cause, they encourage you to stop in and visit the local chapters when you are in the area.

It is a big world out there, but when you know someone everywhere you go, it makes it small and cozy.  You are comfortable going to a part of the world you have never been to when you connect with someone you know there.  It is wonderful to be able to learn about other cultures, languages, styles, history, and yes even food.  The opportunity to build your global network is better than it ever has been, you just have to step out, and do it!

Branding Yourself

Last week I was was presenting in Sydney Australia, when I met a young lady named Natalie. She introduced herself to me and said that she had read about me in a book that she recently downloaded. I of course found this very interesting and began to inquire about the book. It’s a book about branding yourself, she says. The light bulb went on!  The authors of that book are friends of mine in Indianapolis, Erik Deckers and Kyle Lacy, both of whom I met on a networking site called Smaller Indiana, and on Twitter.  I make it a habit to always follow locals on Twitter, this allows me the opportunity to meet them in person and to stay connected.  I also get to stay up on what is going on in the area, which is a bonus!

I had the opportunity to meet both Kyle and Erik face to face and over the years we have served on panels, and spoken at events together.  Both of them write great blogs and both are experts at using social media, so I was honored when Erik asked to interview me for the book.  I love his sense of humor and his ability to stay connected to the people in his network, I was happy to participate.

I had actually forgotten all about my part in that book, and never dreamed that someone on the other side of the world would be telling me about it.  Natalie and I had a great conversation about the Branding Yourself, the case study about me, and instantly had rapport with one another because we had something in common. Furthermore, I could hardly wait to let Erik know about the connection. It made my world feel small and comfortable, even on the other side of the globe.

Social media allows us to create a small world when combined with our face to face network.   It is not going to go away so pick up a copy of the book, you will not only build your brand, your world will become smaller and connected.

Time to Let the Fear Go

I have been reading a book called, She Wins, You Win by Gail Evans. I started reading it 2 years ago, and picked it back up as a source of my new book, Business Networking and Sex, Not what you think. and I remembered what I like about this book, it confirms so much of what I have believed was happening with women in business and the work place.   We women are terribly competitive with one another, and we are fraught with a variety of fears.   This one fear caught my attention since it is the very nature of what I teach and work on with women in my programs.

FEAR: If you build relationships with other women hoping that you will profit from them you are being manipulative.

REALITY: Excerpted…Women are struggling with this concept because we think that using a friend to achieve some positive result in business is nasty, immoral, and manipulative. We do not understand that having a close friend help us make a business connection is a routine favor that men do for each other all the time.

It is time that we move on from this fear. I often think that “We have come a long way baby” but then when I am working with my female clients it becomes clear to me that not much has really changed within ourselves. We still harbor old fears such as the one above, we still gossip about how the other woman has achieved her success, and we still choose men to advise us over a female in the same profession, in most cases.

We are excellent at building strong relationships with others, it’s time that we also become good at asking those we have built relationships with to help us grow our business. To buy from us, to connect us, to hire us, to refer one another more effectively.

It is time to put the fear of being perceived as pushy, too salesy, calculating and manipulative behind us.  It is time that we stop talking about supporting one another and start referring and using one another’s businesses.   It is time to allow our networks to help us!

Shortly after finishing one of my monthly Referral Success 101 classes I had a gentleman participant approached me with a concern and a question. His concern was a very familiar one to me;

“I have spent so much of my life always trying to get the deal, looking for the next customer, that I now realize that I have become that person whom others avoid at the networking events I attend. Whenever I had a one to one with someone I met I would spend the entire time pitching my service to them. Many of them I closed so I did have some sale success. Now I realize, I really do not have a network of people whom I can turn to for help to grow my business or frankly any other thing I might need them for. So, what do I do, where do I start?

My answer was simple, “Begin again, and start from where you are”.  It is never to late to start again. This was the very same answer that I was given when I found myself not doing my yoga and meditation practice. I had lost much of what I had learned, I felt defeated and my friend simply said, begin again, from where you are now.

Don’t be defeated, don’t think that you have to scrap what you have and start over, and don’t give up. Take a look at your database and decide who you know and how well you know them.  Are the members of your support network, your knowledge network, your referral network or simply a contact or customer.  If you can’t remember who they are or when and where you met them, removed them.

Now you know where to start, start connecting with those you know and make a list of the people whom you want to reconnect with or build a deeper relationship with. Reach out and begin to start building your network with stronger relationships. As time goes by you can add to the network and deepen the relationships.

Start from where you are, get educated, help others and your network will flourish.

Remember when you were a kid and you would catch someone in a lie, all the kids would run around and sing “liar liar, pants on fire, tear your britches on a telephone wire”. I felt like tweeting that very thing to a tweeter this week.

I was on twitter early in the morning this week when I came across a tweet that said the following: “If you are thinking about or like tattoos here is a great resource link”.    I like well done tattoos, and I wanted to see this resource, so I clicked the link.

Imagine my surprise to be taken to a splash page to buy a social media marketing kit! I thought that I may have made a mistake so I closed the page and went back to the original tweet and tried that link again. No I had made no mistake at all, it took me right back to the splash page.

I went back to the tweet again and reviewed this “Social Media Marketing” experts profile and it appears that it is common place for her to tweet this way. More shocking she follows and is followed by 22,000 people and she has tweeted 10,000 times. So I went to her website and I was not surprised to find it filled with buy, buy, buy propaganda.

My next step was to report her tweet as spam, unfollow her and block her. In my opinion I think that she is a liar and not someone I care to follow or to expose my followers to. But here is the bigger question, does this this kind of bait and switch social media really work? Is this the level of integrity that people can expect in the world of social media?

If you expect me to buy from you, recommend you, or even continue to follow you then DON’T LIE TO ME! Don’t leave me feeling deceived, tricked or taken advantage of. Ok rant over, but I would love to hear from others of you. What is your experience?