I am writing a book with two friends, Frank DeRaffele Jr and Dr. Ivan Misner,  based on a 12,000 person survey. Many people left comments about networking, things they liked, were challenged by, or just wanted us to know. One of the most frequent comments that we have received is on the “Handshake”.

These comments show clearly that how you shake hands leaves an impact on your ability to communicate or get others to communicate with you. Just as how you appear has an impact, so to does your handshake.  Unfortunately, I believe that there is little attention paid to the handshake and the proper way to do it.  Here are a few of the comments that we received:

I communicate easier when I am greeted with a firm handshake from a woman rather than a dainty or limp handshake…limp means she has no idea what she is talking about. and cares even less about shaking your hand

You can’t judge a book by its cover (!) but you can judge strength of character & business development potential from a handshake.

A strong handshake indicates to me a no nonsense individual, straight to the point, lets get on with the business….and I have to say for the most part that is very true.

There is no doubt from my experience, that those with whom strong business links have been forged, have been with the owners of the firm handshake. Maybe the sub-conscious takes over. It is strange but it is true.

Understanding the etiquette of a proper handshake is key to your networking success as you can see above. Practice your handshake with those who will give you solid feedback.  Here is a very good article on the steps to developing a solid handshake.  Don’t let your handshake leave a bad impression.

Digging your well deep is important if you are going to get the best water, or even the precious oil that resides there. Have you ever seen a well that is only 3 feet deep and 6 feet wide?  Yes, they call them retention ponds and even they are deeper than 3 feet.  They serve little purpose beyond managing run off water.  This is not water you can go out and drink, it simply looks nice in most cases.  To get the clear cold water that can enrich your life, allow you to cook, clean, create steam and run a civilization you have to go deep.

It works the same way with your network.  The deeper you go with your relationships the more valuable the results you will reap.  Unfortunately, networking has the bad reputation of more is better.  In most cases, I find that people pretty much know all the people they really need to know in order to accomplish the things they really want to accomplish, only problem is, those relationships tend to be shallow and not well nurtured.

If you want to get results from your network go deeper, here are 5 things that you can do to begin the process of digging your networking well deeper.

1.  Choose 5 – It is easier to focus on a few versus the masses, if you have built a large network it is important to take a look at your inner circle.  From that circle, choose 5 whom you would like to have a better networking relationship and think about those 5 people and how you can help them.  Make deposits into the relationship.

2.  Get to know them – how much do you know about your 5 people.  You should know what Goals they are trying to accomplish in their business, what they are most proud of accomplishing, where else they network or would like to network, what are they passionate about beyond what they do for a living.

3.  Ask “How can I help you?” – find out ways that you can help your 5 people.  Can you distribute material for them, make an announcement for an event they are having, display their business cards, or mention them in your newsletter/blog?   Making deposits into the relationship assures you of the opportunity to make a withdrawal when you need it.

4.  Stay in contact – When communication changes so does the relationship, being out of contact for long periods of time slows down the relationship process and allows relationships to go cold.  Leave the occasional voice mail reminding your network that you are there to help them, drop a note card in the mail and of course invite your 5 to events and network together.

5.  Take advantage of Social Networking Sites – Facebook, Linkedin, and Twitter make it easy to keep up with your network.  Connect to them, read what they are posting, comment on their post and in general show them that you are interested in what they are doing and saying.   The Internet has made it so much easier to stay in communication for those times when you are out of the loop but still want your network to know you are interested in them.

All things being equal people want to do business with people they know, like and trust.  Going deeper into your network and building stronger relationships will reap you more rewards than constantly adding more strangers to the mix.  This week take some time to identify at least 5 people you would like to develop and start working on making deposits.

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Jim Rohn

If we are going to be the best that we can be in this life, then it is important that you surround yourself with others who are striving to be the best that they can be. When you are developing referral partners this is also very important.

The relationship between referral partners becomes very close, when the relationship is working well you are meeting and developing referral strategies, sending your best customers to one another and building each others reputation. You are helping each other to succeed.

Ask yourself these 4 questions when you are looking for good referral partners.

* Do they have a positive and supportive attitude.
* Do they have a giving attitude
* Are they open to learning and growing
* Do they support you and your vision

Surround yourself with people who are going where you want to go. When you have people on the path with you it makes the journey so much easier.

Going out for a drink with friends, playing golf, and hanging out at a cookout are all ways that we build relationships. It is the social aspects of our relationships that make for strong business relationships too. It is those times when I get to know someone personally that makes me want to help them achieve their goals. While we may not be fast friends we have developed a deeper relationship and it is that relationship that builds trust and a desire to help. Building my network effectively is very important to me, adding the right people, building relationships with them requires that I stay in communication with them.

One of the things that I love about Twitter is my ability to have communication with local tweeters, to meet them face to face at tweet-ups in a casual manner. Because we have spent so much time getting to know each other on twitter it is as if we have already met, we start the relationship much further along than if I had just met them. I already know what they are interested in by the tweets they post and the links the tweet. I learn about their business when they tweet and list their blogs and I build credibility with my followers when I take the time to post good material on my blog, when I post good tweets. I give to my network of tweeters by recommending them and retweeting their tweets. When we finally do meet at a tweet-up we already know each other.

If you are tweeting take a little time to set up groups of local people who are tweeting. They are most likely people you are going to have the opportunity to meet and build networking relationships with. For me, Tweetdeck has been a great tool for sorting my tweeters and creating groups that I can interact with, create relationships with and add to my network.

You know how sometimes you get involved in a relationship and you are sure that it is one thing only to find out it is really something else?  Women can certainly relate to this, they find themselves dating for a while and they believe they are in one kind of a relationship, headed down a road only to find out the other person took a different path because they thought they were in a different relationship.

It works the same way in business relationships too.  You meet someone, have a one to one meeting, find some common ground and believe that you are on your way to a productive business relationship.  You begin to practice givers gain, passing leads and referrals to the other person and after a few weeks or month you notice that it has become more of a one way relationship.  The relationship is entirely different than what you thought it was going to be and once again you find yourself in one way relationship. One person is getting what they want while the other person is doing the giving.

This happens most often when you do not have open, clear communications on an ongoing and consistent manner.  When there are no clear expectations communicated it causes confusion in the relationship.

If you want to develop a strong network it is important that you have clear communication, set expectations, and have a level of accountability for the relationships.  Making sure that all of you are on the same page is important if you are going to develop a strong networking team.