Referrals are the holy grail of the business community. Every business wants them, every business person is out networking in hopes of getting referred prospects for their business. Referrals come in different shades, just like the color red. The higher you can move the quality of the referral the less time you will need to spend it the sales process. Good referrals do not come quickly or easily. People must trust you if they are going to put their reputation on the line for you. After all, when you are being referred you are in essences borrowing that persons reputation and credibility.

If you want to move the quality of the referrals you get to a higher level here are 3 steps you can begin to implement with your network.

Build a deeper relationship with the person you are networking with. People want to do business with people they know, like and trust. Developing relationships built on trust takes time. Spend time finding out about what your partners are trying to accomplish, and help them accomplish it.

1. Know exactly how you want your network to refer you, then teach them how to do it. The more time that you spend training and being trained by your referral partners the better results you will get from them and they will get from you. If you want a face to face introdution then you must train your referral partners how to set that up for you.
2. Know who you want to be connected to. If you are telling your network that you want to be connected to anyone who, or everyone is a good connection then you are dropping the ball. Your network members want to help you but you have to make it easy for them.

Getting good referrals from your network requires work on your part, it requires time invested in your network, and it requires time to train your network. The more time you invest in the development of your network the more valuable the referrals will be when you get them.

I did a presentation today for the Indianapolis Chamber of Commerce, Business Growth Series.   I was asked the following question, How do you get connected to the decision maker of a company?

A good question and one that many people ask. The answer is simple, but it is not easy. Here is the answer for all of you who want to know the simple answer;   Ask you network to connect you.  There I told you it was simple, just ask.

Ah, but I also said, it was not easy.  Here is the rest of the answer.   There is a lot of work that must go into your network prior to asking and getting the connections.

1. You must develop your network – Too many business people spend all their time building these huge databases of people, constantly adding to it. They have very wide networks, but not very deep. Stop adding people to your network, take the time to identify the people in your network whom you need to really develop a relationship with. Go into your network and start working on building relationships.  See who is already referring you, find your key sources and connectors.  Spend time working in your network, develop the people you already know versus adding more people to the network.

2. Identify your key connectors. Who are they? In every network of people there are key connectors who will be able to connect you to a multitude of people you would not otherwise have the opportunity to meet. Build deeper relationships with your key connectors.

3.  Know who you want to be connected to.  This means you need to do a little homework and find out who this contact is you are after.  To often I hear “I want an introduction to the head of Marketing for the XYZ company.”    It would be more effective when asked this way:  ”I am looking for a personal introduction to David Jones, of the XYZ Company.”  Now your network knows who you want to be connected to and how you want to be connected.  They can easily look in their database and see if they know that person.   Most networkers never do the home work to identify who they want to know.

A few weeks ago I walked into a little shop downtown called Arts a Poppin. It was one of those places that sell all kinds of locally created art work.   As is always the case in shops like this, there were all kinds of unique items to catch my attention and beckon for me to carry them home.  As I picked up items, I wondered who made it and why?  What is the story?

On one shelf there lay these composition notebooks covered in vinyl covers of all colors.  None of them had really distinguishable designs on them, but they were high quality, very well made covers for composition notebooks.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I use a lot of composition books.  I carry them around with me all the time to keep notes, to do’s and idea in, so these covers interested me.  I picked them up looked them over and could not really figure them out.  Yes they were covers, nicely made, but the design or lack of design in the colors struck me as odd.  I noticed a small tag sewn on the cover that said, “Freakin Billboard” .  I also noticed the price tag of $19.99, I laid the one I had down and decided that I really did not need to spend $20 bucks on a vinyl cover for my $2.00 notebook.

Several days later I was invited to a party.  I met two women Ann and Beth,  we began to talk about what we did for a living.  They told me that they were into recycling, specifically they recycled Billboards.  Today’s Billboards are done in vinyl, when they are taken down they are thrown into landfills by the tons, so they decided to make “stuff” out of this water-proof material.  All kinds of stuff, messenger bags, purses and journals.  It was a fascinating story and as they were telling it, I thought back to the vinyl covered composition books at the shop.  Suddenly I realized those notebooks were their journals, Ann and Beth were “Freakin Billboard”!    Funny how small the world can seem sometimes.

The very next time I was downtown, I stopped into that same little shop, and I bought a vinyl cover for my composition notebook, the cost of $19.99, did not seem like that much because I knew the story behind the product.  You see the vinyl cover was just a vinyl cover until I knew the story, then it became something more.

Do people know your story and can other people tell your story?   Think about it.

I am writing a book with two friends, Frank DeRaffele Jr and Dr. Ivan Misner,  based on a 12,000 person survey. Many people left comments about networking, things they liked, were challenged by, or just wanted us to know. One of the most frequent comments that we have received is on the “Handshake”.

These comments show clearly that how you shake hands leaves an impact on your ability to communicate or get others to communicate with you. Just as how you appear has an impact, so to does your handshake.  Unfortunately, I believe that there is little attention paid to the handshake and the proper way to do it.  Here are a few of the comments that we received:

I communicate easier when I am greeted with a firm handshake from a woman rather than a dainty or limp handshake…limp means she has no idea what she is talking about. and cares even less about shaking your hand

You can’t judge a book by its cover (!) but you can judge strength of character & business development potential from a handshake.

A strong handshake indicates to me a no nonsense individual, straight to the point, lets get on with the business….and I have to say for the most part that is very true.

There is no doubt from my experience, that those with whom strong business links have been forged, have been with the owners of the firm handshake. Maybe the sub-conscious takes over. It is strange but it is true.

Understanding the etiquette of a proper handshake is key to your networking success as you can see above. Practice your handshake with those who will give you solid feedback.  Here is a very good article on the steps to developing a solid handshake.  Don’t let your handshake leave a bad impression.

One of the first things I work with my clients on is the proper use of “Networking”, as well as the best ways to use their time and energy when they are networking. Over the last 15 years, I have watched people spend many hours networking. As a matter of fact I was one of those people. It is exactly how I got the moniker, “Queen of Networking”. One day, my mentor asked me to begin to track all my time. Time that I spent networking, time I spent answering the phone, emails, working on projects, surfing the net, and so on. This was an eye opening experience.   I found that most of the stuff I was doing was not having a positive impact on my business bottom line.

60% of all of my activities in a given week were around networking. Going to the events, following up with every single card that I collected, staying in contact via email and phone calls, screening and fielding emails and phone calls from people who met me while networking, signing up for other events, driving to events, preparing for the events and so forth and so on. You get the picture; I was a very busy lady. Busy does not equal profitable.

Once we had a clear understanding about where my time was going, it was now time to look at how much of that time was actually having a positive impact on my business bottom line. What became painfully clear is while 60% of my time was spent, adding people to my database, and networking, networking, networking, 80% of my income was coming from 10-12 people, 200 where people whom I knew, supported and referred and the other 3000 names and contacts in my database were just that – names and unfulfilled relationships.

The most important feedback that my mentor gave me was simply this statement; “Imagine what your business would look like if you spent 60% of your time nurturing the 10-12 people who are helping to grow your business.” It was a statement that would keep me up at night.

Today you will not find me at every event and when I attend a networking event, I do so very strategically. I have a goal in mind, a purpose to be fulfilled and connections to make for at least one of those 12 people who were helping me to build my business. When I network for others, my own business grows with very little effort on my part. I have the opportunity to see “Givers Gain” in action.   Before you go to your next networking event ask yourself the following questions:

• Where is most of my business coming from?
• Which organizations are producing results for my business?
• Who passes me the most business?
• What are my goals for the event?
• Who do I need to help?
• How can my networking activities help my referral sources?
• What is my networking budget in both time and money?

Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus but networking is networking right? Last week I was talking to a BNI member, a young lady, about why it was important that a BNI Chapter have women in it. I told her that women were good at building strong relationships within their network. Her retort was simply, “Well that might be true but most of my referrals come from guys, in and out of BNI.”   That got me to thinking, is there a difference?

Women by nature are nurturers, traditionally in most families they were the caretakers of the children, the organizer of the family members, and often the caretaker for the elderly members of the family. While men were the bread winners, doing business, starting and running businesses. Over the years that has changed, and the roles are more equal, men and women both raise the family, both do business, own businesses and run businesses.

Is that change reflected in business-networking?   What is your experience with networking, do the girls do it better than the guys?

Every year for the last 5 years I have set a goal to walk the Indianapolis Mini Marathon. Every year that goal went unmet. This year, it is no longer an unaccomplished goal. Saturday May 8th I walked the 13.1 miles in the largest mini marathon, with 37,000 other people.

What made this year different than the other 4 years. Simple really, I implemented the same 5 strategies that I tell my Referrals for Life students to implement when building their referral system.

1. Support - I found a group of other people who wanted to achieve the same goal that I did. Having a team of people to support you and cheer you on makes a big difference in your energy, you motivation and your desire to achieve. When you are building your business by referral, you need a strong network that will support you in your endeavors. You cannot build a network of people who will refer you all alone, it is a person to person activity.

2. Education – I learned more about participating in a marathon. I learned about shoes and why they are important, how to eat right, what kind of clothing to wear in the different kinds of weather. As business owners it is important that we always seek out more education, allowing us to stay sharp and be able to grow our businesses and ourselves. No one is born knowing how to network or how to build a strong network. Get educated, learn the art of networking and the science of referrals. The more education you get the more successful you are. Learn more to earn more.

3. Accountability – Having a system of accountability was key to my training. When you add accountability to your learning you accomplish so much more. Accountability breeds success. If you and your network are not accountable to each other you will soon lose momentum. Hold each other accountable for greater results.

4. Training – Consistent use of the educational material breeds huge amounts of success. The training allows you to practice what you have learned until you are good at it. Having the ability to practice over and over again allows you to develop the networking and referral muscles. You do not want to practice on your referral or prospects.

5. Coaching - Above all else this is the one thing that set this year apart from all other years. Having a coach to guide, educate, support, and implement accountability made the biggest difference in may ability to complete the Mini Marathon. Having him tell me when my gait was wrong or if my tempo was off was invaluable and made the difference in my wanting to do the marathon and completing the marathon. Education without coaching is entertainment. Your Coach can tell you what you are doing wrong, how to do something differently or more effectively. If you are trying to build a business by referral you need to find yourself a qualified referral trainer – coach. You will be surprised by your results.

Creating a system that generates referrals for your business is like training for a marathon, it is simple, but it is not easy!

Welcome Guest Blogger - Tiffany Kellog, she is a friend, fellow Referral Institute Instructor and fellow Blogger.

Have you ever been at a networking event, and you were scoping out nametags, and you saw a name tag that had both a name and an industry. You think to yourself, I know what _______ does… for example, perhaps you see a florist, and you think that you know what a florist does… so why do you need to ask more? Perhaps you see a financial planner at a networking event… do you know what they do? (And are you now, while you are reading this, thinking I know what a financial planner does?)

Often times, by listing your profession on your name tag, you are painting yourself into a box, and it’s not always the one you want to be put in! The disadvantage of listing your industry on your name tag is that you are putting yourself into a category which will allow the people you meet to decide, before speaking to you, exactly what you do and who you are… and if they already have the answers to those questions, why continue on?

Instead of putting your professional category on the name tag, why not put something on your nametag that will have them asking you multiple questions about your business? The advantage is that you get to tell them EXACTLY what you do, and not have them fit you into their preconceived notion of your profession.

So, when you are at your next networking event (or ordering your next set of name tags), what will you be writing to describe what you do?

Having problems with filling in that blank? I recommend the Certified Networker Program, Module 1 & 9, to help come up with your Emotional Based Marketing Message and ideas on what you should put on your name tag.

Digging your well deep is important if you are going to get the best water, or even the precious oil that resides there. Have you ever seen a well that is only 3 feet deep and 6 feet wide?  Yes, they call them retention ponds and even they are deeper than 3 feet.  They serve little purpose beyond managing run off water.  This is not water you can go out and drink, it simply looks nice in most cases.  To get the clear cold water that can enrich your life, allow you to cook, clean, create steam and run a civilization you have to go deep.

It works the same way with your network.  The deeper you go with your relationships the more valuable the results you will reap.  Unfortunately, networking has the bad reputation of more is better.  In most cases, I find that people pretty much know all the people they really need to know in order to accomplish the things they really want to accomplish, only problem is, those relationships tend to be shallow and not well nurtured.

If you want to get results from your network go deeper, here are 5 things that you can do to begin the process of digging your networking well deeper.

1.  Choose 5 – It is easier to focus on a few versus the masses, if you have built a large network it is important to take a look at your inner circle.  From that circle, choose 5 whom you would like to have a better networking relationship and think about those 5 people and how you can help them.  Make deposits into the relationship.

2.  Get to know them – how much do you know about your 5 people.  You should know what Goals they are trying to accomplish in their business, what they are most proud of accomplishing, where else they network or would like to network, what are they passionate about beyond what they do for a living.

3.  Ask “How can I help you?” – find out ways that you can help your 5 people.  Can you distribute material for them, make an announcement for an event they are having, display their business cards, or mention them in your newsletter/blog?   Making deposits into the relationship assures you of the opportunity to make a withdrawal when you need it.

4.  Stay in contact – When communication changes so does the relationship, being out of contact for long periods of time slows down the relationship process and allows relationships to go cold.  Leave the occasional voice mail reminding your network that you are there to help them, drop a note card in the mail and of course invite your 5 to events and network together.

5.  Take advantage of Social Networking Sites – Facebook, Linkedin, and Twitter make it easy to keep up with your network.  Connect to them, read what they are posting, comment on their post and in general show them that you are interested in what they are doing and saying.   The Internet has made it so much easier to stay in communication for those times when you are out of the loop but still want your network to know you are interested in them.

All things being equal people want to do business with people they know, like and trust.  Going deeper into your network and building stronger relationships will reap you more rewards than constantly adding more strangers to the mix.  This week take some time to identify at least 5 people you would like to develop and start working on making deposits.

How many times have you taken a class, you leave with every good intention to implement what you have learned. But you complete the class, go back to work, start doing the day to day activities and soon that class is long gone. You forget 80% of everything you learned and have little time to implement the 20% you do remember.

Signing up to take a class is pretty much a waste of time if you do not stay involved in the conversation with others who are on the same path. We learn by first getting the information and sometimes you may need to get the information several times before it clicks, then it is the consistent practice of that information that gets you to the Mastery level, that time when you can do it automatically.

If you want to really learn something new it is important that you immerse yourself in a program, that you practice with others who want to achieve what you do. The Referral Institute created a program called “Referrals for Life”. They understand that it takes time and practice to learn the skills needed to develop referral partnerships, it is not something that you are going to learn in a one time class. But something that you are going to have to practice with your peers over and over to be good at it.

I have been taking the Sandler Sales Program at Lushin and Associates. I take the classes and I have the opportunity to learn constantly with my peers. I get to practice with them and with the coaches so that I do not have to practice with my prospects. I will continue to be in the program because I understand that even after I Master the sales skills, I will still need to practice to keep my skills sharp.