Flirting and Networking – Good or Bad?
Flirting: to court trifling or act amorously without any serious intentions
Flirting is a basic instinct, part of human nature. This is not surprising: if we did not initiate contact and express interest in members of the opposite sex, we would not progress to reproduction, and the human species would become extinct. According to some evolutionary psychologists, flirting may even be the foundation of civilization as we know it. (www.sirc.org)
Flirting as you can see is a natural way of interacting for men and women. It is what we do, sometimes just for fun, other times with the intention to attract. So what is the harm in flirting when we are networking? Go to any networking event and you will see flirting, both men and women. Is it a bad thing? That would depend upon what you are going to the networking events for. What are you trying to achieve? One of the biggest complaints that women have when working with and networking with men is that they are not taken seriously.
As a woman if I want men to take me and my business seriously, then I must first take myself and my business seriously. When women are flirting, men begin to see them in a different light than the professional light they want. While these women may indeed be asked for an appointment the complaint that we here from women is that the appointment was nothing more than a pretense for a date.
Over time other women will begin to exclude the flirt from their circle of information and connections. The constant flirting can often cost the flirt the credibility she seeks build when networking. Unfortunately, men who flirt are not held to the same level of accountability by women or men.
So, ladies, if you are flirting, it could be costing you connections, information, and being taken seriously by the very men you are flirting with. Remember that business networking should be treated as business, flirting at business functions should be avoided if you are looking to create high lever business relationships.
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6 Responses so far.
It seems that here is another thing that men can get away with, while women cannot.
It can be really awkward to be flirted with while you are trying to network, and you wonder sometimes why they want to do a follow up meeting.
It would be nice if we could take the flirting component out of networking!
It is human nature to flirt, and I do not think it will ever be gone from the workplace or networking. Women and men both used it, the question is one of how we choose to react to it. Our reactions is what determines if it is going to continue or if it will stop, at least with us individually.
You are correct, women are held far more accountable that men are.
Thank you Hazel for stating how important it is to take flirting out of your networking!
I’ve worked hard to avoid as much flirty-like behavior as possible, without being too serious. I’ve found a couple approaches that seem to work for me:
!
1) I try to treat men and women as much alike as possible. In other words, I try to not act one way with men and another way with women.
2) I treat men my age or younger like I would my brother and older men like I would my uncle or dad. No one flirts with their sister
Well said Beth! I was just having this conversation with a male friend today and he was telling me how astounded he was once he became aware of it, how much girl watching went on at networking events.
I love you tactics very much, how do you handle someone who is flirting with you?
This is such a difficult topic. The problem with flirting is that, as your book says, the “exception becomes the perception.” If you flirt once with someone and then don’t see them again for the rest of the night, that’s all they will know you for!
My advice for men and women both on this topic is as follows:
* It’s okay to compliment someone’s appearance, but then MOVE ON to business topics
* It’s never okay to make an innuendo or a crude joke at a business function. If someone does, MOVE ON to help them understand it’s not okay. Or speak up!
* Mention your significant other EARLY in every conversation where there might be a risk of extended flirting. That helps you both to MOVE ON to the topic at hand!
Hope this helps. Thanks!
Nice comment Robby, thanks the big problem with Flirting is it devalues your professional credibility.