If you ask people to describe networking you will get a variety of responses, most often it sounds something like this, “going to events where business people exchange business cards and talk business with one another.”  While indeed that is a good description of what a lot of “networking” events look like, it is not the only way that networking takes place.  People get so hung up on the formal side of networking that they completely miss all the other opportunities to network.  I personally spend far less time at “networking events” and far more time networking in ways that I enjoy.

Recently, I was invited to be part of #Social46.  This is a group of social media minded people who have strong networks, they were asked to support the Super Bowl 2012 committee in welcoming guest and helping them out using social media.  I was honored to be asked, and took advantage of the opportunity. Many of these are people I have heard of but never met in person, some I knew and have relationships with and still others I have never met online or offline.  This is the kind of networking that I enjoy, a group of people bound together for a common cause.

It does not take long to build strong relationships with people who have a common cause because you are all working and supporting one another to achieve that cause.  For this group there was the added excitement of being able to connect the city and the visitors, and being the first city to ever fully use social media in such a large event. I have a strong affinity for many of the participants, they are my role models on Social Media, and they are so giving of their time and efforts.  These are the kind of people I want in my network, who I want to learn more about, and who I feel good about referring to others because their “Givers Gain” attitude make them so referrable.

Working with a small group of people for a common cause is often far more effective that going month after month to big “networking” events.  Take a look a the networking that you are doing, how are you breaking out of the traditional mode and finding new ways to connect and build relationships?  Share some of your ideas with us!

Following is an article written by my friend TJ Couzens with BrandX Research.  His company does research on the women’s market so they are pretty informed about female market and what women want.

You should know how women impact the health care field. With health care serving as the centerpiece for heated Washington debates, it is crucial for businesses to understand the health care market and just how prominent a role women serve in that market.

Through a recent research project, Brand X Research has discovered some interesting facts about women in the health care marketplace:

•   87% of women believe physician communication can be improved.
•  Women are responsible for 76% of surgical procedures.
• Women represent 81% of private pay patients in hospitals.
• Women have lower re-admissions than their male counterparts.

Not surprisingly, our research shows that women are more conscious about their health. This would lead to the conclusion that drug companies, hospitals, physicians and other health care providers should place strong primary focus on women as a target audience. The detailed findings of this research can be a valuable tool in better defining marketing efforts.

Marketing health care to women begins with communicating on a personal level. Show them that you are listening to and addressing their concerns and desires. Show them that you understand the role they play as the family health care decision-maker. Show them that your product or service fits perfectly into their goal of keeping their family safe and healthy.

Brand X Research, a research and marketing firm focused specifically on the largest consumer group in the world – women. Through in-depth research, both quantitative and qualitative, Brand X serves clients in all industries helping them refine marketing messages and reach more women more effectively.

BITCH - Slang
a.  a malicious, unpleasant, selfish person, especially a woman.
b.  a lewd woman.
c. a person who whines

Does that word still bother you? Does the fear of being called a bitch or categorized as bitchy stop you from negotiating for the better deal, or getting things done the way you want or need them? Do you realize that one of the reasons that men make more money than women is because they negotiate more pay when they are hired and women don’t?

I read an article in Forbes magazine; Want to Grow the Economy? Change Four Attitudes About Women Entrepreneurs, following is one of those attitudes,

Women’s assertiveness is perceived as “bitchiness.”
No one likes to be a “bitch,” but when women leaders make tough decisions, the response is critical and personal. When men make tough decisions, they are “strong” or “assertive” but women … that “b” word crops up. “If you want everyone to like you, you will have a hard time doing what is necessary,” Elting says.

I was sharing this article with several female friends many of them made this comment, “women use the term Bitch for other women even more that men do.” Ouch! What does that say about us?

I have two daughters, I taught them at a very young age that the words like bitch were used as a way to control or hold them back. One day my daughter came home from school, she was suspended for decking a young man,when I asked her why she said it was because he called her a Bitch. I looked at her quizzically, she shrugged and said, “Oh, he had not earned that right yet!” My daughters do not let that word bother them, they know that whatever opinion that someone else has about them is not their problem, it is the problem of the opinion holder. They are strong self assured women who do not mind taking a stand and speaking up for themselves or others.

Being successful in your business and your life means that you cannot let your need for approval get in the way of your need to do business. As a woman I have as much right and power to negotiate better pay and better deals as a man does. When I was in China I learned just how powerful and important negotiating really was, they negotiate for everything! Women are hardball negotiators in many countries and there is no reason at all that we cannot do the exact same thing.

If I choose not to use that skill because I am worried about being seen as pushy or bitchy that is my weakness and I should not keep complaining about how men get better deals and better pay. Men expect to negotiate it is just a competition, they don’t take it personal, and they don’t worry about being called a “pushy bastard.”

So ladies, if you want to make more money, sell more business, or get a pay raise,  learn the art of negotiation and stop worrying about the names you might be called, your need for approval will always hold you back.  Don’t let someone else define you.

Men and women want to achieve the same things but they are not always on the same path to accomplish the goal.  For women it is often about the journey, for men it is about getting to the destination.  Here is a clip of a presentation that I did in California to a room of about 1000 people discussing this topic.

Same Destination – Different Paths

As 2011 was moving out and the 2012 was moving in, Lorraine Ball and I were taking our weekly long walk on the Monon discussing and solving all the problems of the world, or at least our world.  The topic of people saying thank you came up.  Lorraine has been interviewing people for a position in her company and she noted that no one sent any kind of a thank you message to her or her team for the time taken.  Her question was, “Whatever happened to the simple Thank You Note?”

The art of the handwritten note card, is a lost art that hardly anyone knows how to do or why they should. Emails notes and cards are cheaper, easier and faster, and at least that is better than nothing at all. But there is something special about that small little handwritten card that shows up in your mail. The moment you see it you know that it is usually good news, and not the typical bill or crap mail you usually get.

There was a time that it was just common courtesy to send a thank you card to someone who had done you a kindness. It was a simple act of gratitude. Today people barely say thank you let alone write it out in a note card. I am always so happy when I get a note from someone, it makes me feel appreciated, it tells me that I make a difference or that I have contributed in some small way to another. I keep the cards that I get throughout the year on a board in my office and when I feel discouraged or just need a boost, I can look at the board and know that there are people out there that appreciate me and the work I do. It is such a positive reminder of who I am in the world.

On a recent television show, one of the human interest shows, they did a segment on the handwritten note. I was shocked and amazed! I watched with great interest, after all in this age of technology in communication, this was astounding. The segment was excellent, and they interviewed this man, John Kralik, who has written an entire book on the simple act of sending out cards and how it has changed his life. See, not only does your kindness of a card make a difference to the person who got it, but it makes a difference in your life too.

You don’t need a reason, it does not have to be fancy, and you don’t have to write like Halmark. Just pull out a little card, say thank you or I appreciate you and mail it. Make it a habit this year, set yourself a part from the pack, be different and be sincere.

Today, I will clear off my board, put my cards from 2011 into a special wooden box, and start putting up my 2012 collection of inspiration. I will continue my practice of mailing at least one card a day with the hope that I will inspire someone else to pass along a simple act of kindness.

As we rush to write our goals and move headlong into the new year, take a little time to review all that you have accomplished in 2011. Sometimes we get so caught up in the doing of everyday life that it can feel like we get nothing at all done. A year in review is important when you are working on your future, knowing where you have been, what you have done will help you as you start to set your goals.

Pull you journal out and take the time to answer the following questions:

• What did I start and not get finished that I want to move forward?
• Who did I meet that I want to continue to stay connected to?
• What have I accomplished that I am proud of?
• What lessons did I learn?
• What did I do that was fun?
• What was the highlight of my year?

 As you start to answer these questions you will be surprised how many things you begin to discover about the past year. The things that you got done, the things you learned all come together to move you into your new year.  Enjoy the journey!

Have you set your goals for 2012? It is that time of year when we all take a look at the next year and decide what goals we want to set, what we want to achieve and how we are going to go about achieving it. Goal’s boards will be made, goals will be written and thousands of people will make New Year Resolutions. People will spend hundreds of hours working on their goals, but how much time have they spent understanding the bigger picture behind those goals? What is the why behind them?

 Where are your goals taking you? What is the vision of your life that you are working so hard to achieve? What is your why? More of your time should be spent creating the vision that drives the goals, otherwise you are always looking for the very next goal to achieve because you have no real vision or intention for your life. If the $100,000 is only about the money it will not be long that you will be bored, lack motivation and be uninspired. On the other hand, if the $100,000 represents the opportunity for your child to enroll in the college of his choice, then the intention behind the goal will inspire you to achieve the goal.

When you set your goals in alignment with your life intentions, with your why, you will be inspired to reach them versus feeling pressure to achieve them. So let me encourage you to take a look at the goals you have set for next year, and for each goal, take out your journal and ask yourself, “Why is this goal important to me?” “Does this goal align with my values?” “Who can support me in the achievement of this goal?” “Does this goal really move me in the direction that I envision my life?”

Once you can answer each of these questions, when you can really focus on what is important in your life now and in the future, your goals will inspire you and that is a much easier way to live life!

Live your life INSPIRED!

Flirting:  to court trifling or act amorously without any serious intentions

Flirting is a basic instinct, part of human nature. This is not surprising: if we did not initiate contact and express interest in members of the opposite sex, we would not progress to reproduction, and the human species would become extinct. According to some evolutionary psychologists, flirting may even be the foundation of civilization as we know it. (www.sirc.org)

Flirting as you can see is a natural way of interacting for men and women. It is what we do, sometimes just for fun, other times with the intention to attract. So what is the harm in flirting when we are networking? Go to any networking event and you will see flirting, both men and women. Is it a bad thing? That would depend upon what you are going to the networking events for. What are you trying to achieve? One of the  biggest complaints that women have when working with and networking with men is that they are not taken seriously.

As a woman if I want men to take me and my business seriously, then I must first take myself and my business seriously. When women are flirting, men begin to see them in a different light than the professional light they want. While these women may indeed be asked for an appointment the complaint that we here from women is that the appointment was nothing more than a pretense for a date.

Over time other women will begin to exclude the flirt from their circle of information and connections. The constant flirting can often cost the flirt the credibility she seeks build when networking. Unfortunately, men who flirt are not held to the same level of accountability by women or men.

So, ladies, if you are flirting, it could be costing you connections, information, and being taken seriously by the very men you are flirting with. Remember that business networking should be treated as business, flirting at business functions should be avoided if you are looking to create high lever business relationships.

Women business owners have reason to feel good. According to the survey, in the most recent 10-year period, the number of women-owned businesses in the U.S. grew by 44 percent (twice as fast as men-owned firms) and, women-owned firms added 500,000 new jobs.

Women are growing business twice as fast as men, they are employing thousands of people.  It is crazy for men to neglect his market when they are hitting the networking circuit.  It is not that men do not network with women they just don’t do it well.  Not that they really don’t want to and not that they don’t try, there are just little things that cause the connections to go south.

Here are 3 things that men can do to make their chances of connecting with women better.

1. When opening a conversation with a woman, don’t go straight to business.  Ask them to tell you something about themselves.  Women are looking for ways to connect, some common ground that will allow for a relational conversation.
2. Listen to the women that you meet at networking event. Yes women talk more than men, they have deeper conversations that men do often sharing a great deal of information in a very storytelling way.  Men can learn a great deal by asking questions and just listening.
3. Never under estimate how serious a woman takes her business. Just because she may be selling a product or a service that seems soft and fluff, like cosmetics, clothing, child care or any other personal service, does not mean she does not take her business as serious as any man may take his.

Women are creating business, they have a need for services, they know other women who need products and services but they are not going to share that information with someone who they do not have a trusting relationship with.  Building those relationships will take time and work, but if you are not willing to invest both, men and women can connect and refer to one another very successfully.

“In this economy, developing a strong referral strategy is a fast, easy cheap way to build a strong business,” Palzewicz said. “Referrals are more important than ever because people are more careful where they buy and the words of satisfied customers, especially customers that are their friends, can be very powerful and more impactful than any other type of advertising.”

As is my habit, I was reading blogs, press releases, and other material on networking, when I ran across the above quote in a press release. I become very frustrated when I read information that is incorrect or misleading, not intentionally misleading but written by someone who really does not understand what the referral process is.  McDonald’s is fast, easy and cheap, but you cannot apply that to a solid referral strategy.

 “In this economy, developing a strong referral strategy is a fast, easy, cheap way to build a strong business.” Nothing could be further from the truth. While networking might be considered fast easy and cheap, building a referral process takes time, it is a skill that must be learned, and requires a budget of time and money. When a client comes to me and wants to develop a referral strategy they must have a developed network that we can then develop into a proper referral strategy for their business.  McDonald’s is fast, easy and cheap, but it is not the first place you want to go if you are looking for a high quality meal.  While it is nice to sometimes have low level leads from fast, easy and cheap networking, it is not the way to sustain your business.

Let’s take a look at why the words of Fast, Easy, and Cheap cannot be related to developing a referral strategy.

 Fast – A solid referral strategy is based on a relationship built on trust. Trust takes time, you have to be willing to take the time to build the trust. People are not going to refer business to someone whom they do not trust to make them look good. How long it takes someone to trust you depends, ask yourself, do you trust fast?

Easy – Once you have your systems in place for your referral strategy, it does feel pretty easy. Getting those systems in place and maintaining them is not easy, fast, or cheap. If building a strong referral strategy were easy, there would be a lot more very successful businesses generating high quality referrals. I know this is not the case by the number of businesses that hire me to help them implement a strategy and systems.

 Cheap – Another big myth. If you are going to develop a referral system you must set a budget of both time and money. It is not cheap to belong to multiple organizations, have one to one meetings over coffee, lunch and even dinner, set up and implement a system of rewarding your referral partners, pay for travel to events and meeting, and get educated. Is it cheaper than running a TV Ad over and over, yes, is it cheap, no!

Anytime you go at something with the idea that it is fast, easy and cheap, you are bound to disappointed with your outcome.  Developing a referral strategy that works takes time, money and effort, but when it starts paying off, it pays in a big way.

In this economy everyone is looking for fast, easy, and cheap ways to build business, but if you apply that concept over a long period of time you are left with less that desired results.