Flirting:  to court trifling or act amorously without any serious intentions

Flirting is a basic instinct, part of human nature. This is not surprising: if we did not initiate contact and express interest in members of the opposite sex, we would not progress to reproduction, and the human species would become extinct. According to some evolutionary psychologists, flirting may even be the foundation of civilization as we know it. (www.sirc.org)

Flirting as you can see is a natural way of interacting for men and women. It is what we do, sometimes just for fun, other times with the intention to attract. So what is the harm in flirting when we are networking? Go to any networking event and you will see flirting, both men and women. Is it a bad thing? That would depend upon what you are going to the networking events for. What are you trying to achieve? One of the  biggest complaints that women have when working with and networking with men is that they are not taken seriously.

As a woman if I want men to take me and my business seriously, then I must first take myself and my business seriously. When women are flirting, men begin to see them in a different light than the professional light they want. While these women may indeed be asked for an appointment the complaint that we here from women is that the appointment was nothing more than a pretense for a date.

Over time other women will begin to exclude the flirt from their circle of information and connections. The constant flirting can often cost the flirt the credibility she seeks build when networking. Unfortunately, men who flirt are not held to the same level of accountability by women or men.

So, ladies, if you are flirting, it could be costing you connections, information, and being taken seriously by the very men you are flirting with. Remember that business networking should be treated as business, flirting at business functions should be avoided if you are looking to create high lever business relationships.

Rather than making assumptions, ask more questions. This was a piece of sage advice that has been given to me both by my spiritual mentor, and my sales coach! No, they are not one in the same, but both have expressed the importance of asking more questions, as well as asking better questions. Over the years as I have developed my networking skills I have come to learn the importance of not only asking questions but ask good questions.

I often teach people how to network effectively, to get beyond face to face cold calling, to do quality networking that allows you to build relationships with people whom you want to refer business to and who may want to refer business to you. One of the most popular questions I get from my students is; “How do you start a good conversation with someone I meet at a networking event?” My response is always the same, “Ask Questions”

 People love to talk about themselves, their businesses, what they are doing that is important to them, and what is going on in their world. If you are shy, or timid, asking questions will allow you to interact and find common ground with people. It will take you out of your shell by allowing you to focus on something other than your own fear.

 Here are a few tips for asking questions:

•  Never ask yes or no questions, otherwise you just get yes and no answers and there is no conversation started. Make sure your questions are open ended.

•  Ask thoughtful questions that you would really like to know the answer to. People respond better when they know you are genuinely interested. We are accustomed to hearing questions like, “How are you?” “How’s business?” “What brought you here?” “What do you do?” The truth of those questions is that no one really wants to know the answer, they are just being polite.

•  After you ask a question, listen to the answer. It may lead you down the path of the next question or you may learn that the person you are speaking to would be a great connection for someone else you know if the room.

•  Don’t be a Drill Sargent and pummel the person with questions, it is far better to have 2-3 well thought out questions that draw the person into conversation with you, than it is to have a barrage of pointless questions.

 One of the finale questions I will often ask people is this, “As I continue to network and meet people here is there anyone you would like to know or anything I can do to help you?” In fact I almost always finish any conversation that I have with this question, “Is there anything at all that I can do to help you going forward?” If there is, I make a note of it, if there is not, I let them know that I am an email away if they can think of anything I can do for them, just drop me a note.

Remember to have a sense of curiosity about people, learn more about them, and they will want to learn more about you too!   Often I can go to an event and say very little, but I learn a lot simply by asking good questions.

It is said, that a wise man listens and questions, a fool rambles on and on.

 Last week I posted 3 Things that Women Do Better Than Men, today it is the guys turn. Can you believe it ladies, there are things that men do better than we women. Of course you can, it is designed by nature. Men are great at doing a variety of things while women are great at others, we are different in every aspect of business and life. In this case we are going to look at 3 things that men do better at networking that women do.

 The goal is for us to learn how to network with men and leverage our networks more effectively. Women are great at building strong long term relationship. Where we are weak is taking those relationships and turning them in to business opportunities, for referrals and even sales. Here are 3 things that men do better and we can learn to do it too.

1.  They can identify business opportunities quicker than women. Men can see opportunity and they are willing to go after in much quicker. In the world of networking, men can identify where they are most likely to be able to get and give referrals with someone.

2. They are more willing to ask for what they want. Their fear of rejection is much less than a woman’s fear of rejection. They are not afraid to ask people to do things for them, and they are clear about what they want and approach people in business with that in mind.

3. Men are much better at not taking things personally, they understand that it is about the business. They can have the business deal go bad and they know it should not get in the way of their friendship.

 These are great traits for women to be able to do also. My next post will discuss how we can benefit by learning from each other. What kinds of thing have you noticed about the differences in men and women networking?

Business networking is about building relationships and who is better at building relationships than women. When it comes to networking there are a few things that women are just naturally better at then the men. There are things they can learn from us, just as there are things we can learn from them. In this blog, I am listing the 3 things that women do better than the men. The following blog will list the 3 things that men do better than women and the third in the series will discuss how we can learn from each other. So, before you men get all upset, be patient, you time to shine will be next, ladies first!

1. Women build deeper relationships with the people they meet than men do. That is not to say that men do not build relationships, they do, but they do it differently and they define it differently. This really plays out when men retire, once they are no longer working they have few close friends to do things with. Good networking is about building good relationships.

2. Women are excellent carriers of word-of-mouth. Women will sing your praises when you do a good job for them, and typically they are less likely to refer someone if they have not used or seen the quality of your work or product. When they do, no one will pass on the information better than a female.

3. Women by nature are collaborators, they build community. They will rally a group together to accomplish a goal or task. Where men are often lone wolves, women like to do things in groups. This plays very well in the business networking arena, it allows more people to win, when they are all working together.

 All of these are good traits, and each of them have a downfall. While it is important to build relationships, women often forget that they are building business relationships. Relationships that are meant to help, to be leveraged for business on both sides. We spend a lot of time building the relationships in the hope that they will do business with us, but we think that just because someone knows what we do, they will choose to use us when the need arises. That is a belief that often holds us back from creating the success in our business networking that we are looking for.

Next up: Three things that men do better than women!

I went to Ireland in February to speak at a conference, I connected with some of my friends there, and made many new friends, last week I was in Australia, training a group of franchise owners.  In August I will be in Africa working with a team of franchise owners, and in October, I am going to go hang out with friends in London, Paris and Scotland.   Ten years ago I would not have believed that I could know someone on every continent of the globe, but today, I do.  It makes for a diversely rich network, allowing me to learn, connect and travel the world.

One of the benefits of traveling,  teaching and learning is my appreciation of my very own country, to be able to see the US through the eyes of those outside the US.  To travel the way that I do in the world never would have happened if I had not decided to be intentional about the creation of my network.  Every single opportunity that I have had to travel has been the result of my network, they have referred me over and over to others.  They extend invitations and make me feel at home in a foreign place.

Today it is not hard at all to build a global network.  With social media sites like Facebook, Linkedin, and  Twitter and international face to face organizations like Rotary, Toastmasters and BNI the world continues to feel as if it is shrinking.  When you meet someone on the other side of the world who knows someone you know, it hits you, just how connected we all are!

Here are a few things that you can do to increase your global connections and create contacts around the world.

1.  Social Media – Get active on sites like Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn and start connecting globally. These are the big three. But, I have found there are more region specific sites like Ecademy that are heavily used by Europeans, so I am able to have more conversations and stay up on world topics by participating there. There are also sites that are more heavily influenced by Asian participants too.

2.  Attend international trade shows and conferences. Attending workshops with people from all over the world allows you to connect over a common interest. This opens the door for future conversations and connection. Don’t forget to follow up with the people that you meet! I am a member of the National Speakers Association and one of my best connections came from the New York Conference where I was able to meet with Lindsay Adams, President of the International Speakers Association. I had the opportunity to co-present with him while I was in Australia because of the connection we made at conference.

3.  When the opportunity to take a program comes up go to a city with international influence. Given the opportunity I prefer to go to Chicago because I know that I am more likely to meet people from all over the world than I would if I stay in my own town. I have made several great contacts using this tactic alone.

4.  Get involved in international organizations like BNI, Toastmasters and Rotary where you can connect globally while doing business locally. These are organizations that have large global memberships and a common cause, they encourage you to stop in and visit the local chapters when you are in the area.

It is a big world out there, but when you know someone everywhere you go, it makes it small and cozy.  You are comfortable going to a part of the world you have never been to when you connect with someone you know there.  It is wonderful to be able to learn about other cultures, languages, styles, history, and yes even food.  The opportunity to build your global network is better than it ever has been, you just have to step out, and do it!

Time to Let the Fear Go

I have been reading a book called, She Wins, You Win by Gail Evans. I started reading it 2 years ago, and picked it back up as a source of my new book, Business Networking and Sex, Not what you think. and I remembered what I like about this book, it confirms so much of what I have believed was happening with women in business and the work place.   We women are terribly competitive with one another, and we are fraught with a variety of fears.   This one fear caught my attention since it is the very nature of what I teach and work on with women in my programs.

FEAR: If you build relationships with other women hoping that you will profit from them you are being manipulative.

REALITY: Excerpted…Women are struggling with this concept because we think that using a friend to achieve some positive result in business is nasty, immoral, and manipulative. We do not understand that having a close friend help us make a business connection is a routine favor that men do for each other all the time.

It is time that we move on from this fear. I often think that “We have come a long way baby” but then when I am working with my female clients it becomes clear to me that not much has really changed within ourselves. We still harbor old fears such as the one above, we still gossip about how the other woman has achieved her success, and we still choose men to advise us over a female in the same profession, in most cases.

We are excellent at building strong relationships with others, it’s time that we also become good at asking those we have built relationships with to help us grow our business. To buy from us, to connect us, to hire us, to refer one another more effectively.

It is time to put the fear of being perceived as pushy, too salesy, calculating and manipulative behind us.  It is time that we stop talking about supporting one another and start referring and using one another’s businesses.   It is time to allow our networks to help us!

I came across this question on Linkedin. So I thought I would share it. It is important that we pay attention to what we are doing in our networking activities if we want to get the best results.

There are 5 Steps to the referral process, as identified by the Referral Institute and Dr. Ivan Misner.  Each step is important and no step can be skipped,  if what you want are high level referrals that close into quality business. The biggest complaint that that I hear from is they are getting leads or nothing at all. I hear over and over how this organization or that one did not work because they only got leads that turned in to low value business or no business at all.   Blaming the organization for the lack of referrals is not productive, it all starts with you. Until you recognize that you cannot change the outcome.   Getting Referrals has little to do with the organization and everything to do with implementing the 5 Steps.

Each of the 5 Steps require a post of their own, so this is the beginning of the series of 7 articles.

Here are the 5 Steps to getting high value referrals from your network.

1. Trust, this is the biggest step and often the hardest.

2. Knowledge, a very small step, easy to achieve.

3. Need, is rarely if ever trained to referral sources.

4. Solution, you are the solution to the need but do your referral sources know how offer your solution?

5. The appointment, is the last and final step to teach, how do you want to be referred.

Each step is important and each step must be accomplished flawlessly. Unfortunately, no time or little time is spent on these steps and most people don’t even recognize that there is a system. So, stay tuned for the next 6 post, we will look at each of the steps in detail!

I am in the business of helping other people and in return I have made a good living.. I know that my higher calling in life is to contribute to others. I also understand that as I help others be more successful, I too become more successful. I love my businesses and I love the impact I have on others.

What I don’t love, are the people who will say things like; “Hazel is only in it for the money.” “She only wants us to invite more people to BNI so she can make more money.” and my favorite is, “You don’t know what it is like to not have money and to scrape by.” At first when I hear these remarks I become very defensive. I have a need to explain how I have had to work for everything I have and how when the members grow their chapters they help themselves and their businesses, and we all succeed.

Today as I reflect I realize I too have made judgements and assumptions about other people only to find out how truly wrong I was about them later on. I allowed jealousy and envy to cloud my thinking and that always leads to resentment. I got to know the people and learn about them, and who they are in the world, have been ashamed of myself for making assumptions. Most of these people have become very good friends who have added great value to my life and my businesses.

When I take a step back from those remarks, and I have time to think about it, I realize that they are making the same judgements and assumptions about me that I once made about others. They dont know who I am, where I came from, how hard I work or what my intentions are, their judgements are based on something that has nothing to do with me, so there is really no reason for me to be bothered. I will let my actions speak for me by continuing to practice the Givers Gain Philosophy of Life.

Who are you making assumptions about? Find that person, sit down with them and have a conversation, you just might find that your assumptions and judgements are wrong and there is a new friendship in the making.

Referrals are the holy grail of the business community. Every business wants them, every business person is out networking in hopes of getting referred prospects for their business. Referrals come in different shades, just like the color red. The higher you can move the quality of the referral the less time you will need to spend it the sales process. Good referrals do not come quickly or easily. People must trust you if they are going to put their reputation on the line for you. After all, when you are being referred you are in essences borrowing that persons reputation and credibility.

If you want to move the quality of the referrals you get to a higher level here are 3 steps you can begin to implement with your network.

Build a deeper relationship with the person you are networking with. People want to do business with people they know, like and trust. Developing relationships built on trust takes time. Spend time finding out about what your partners are trying to accomplish, and help them accomplish it.

1. Know exactly how you want your network to refer you, then teach them how to do it. The more time that you spend training and being trained by your referral partners the better results you will get from them and they will get from you. If you want a face to face introdution then you must train your referral partners how to set that up for you.
2. Know who you want to be connected to. If you are telling your network that you want to be connected to anyone who, or everyone is a good connection then you are dropping the ball. Your network members want to help you but you have to make it easy for them.

Getting good referrals from your network requires work on your part, it requires time invested in your network, and it requires time to train your network. The more time you invest in the development of your network the more valuable the referrals will be when you get them.