Men insult each other, but they don’t mean it, Women compliment each other and they don’t mean it either. I found that quote on my Facebook wall one day and I thought, wow, how profoundly true that statement really is. The last few weeks I have been thinking about how women treat each other, the back biting, gossiping, undermining way that we treat each other has a long term profound affect upon women as a whole and maintains a man’s view of women in the work place and in business.

 Women are often guilty of Crab mentality, and it is not just a corporate phenomenon. I see this mentality happen everyday with women business owners and on more than a few occasions I have even been the victim of the ladies in the crab pot. In all likelihood I have even been a participant in the crab pot.  Just as one woman rises to the top, all the rest of the women reach up and pull her back down.

 Women are often the first to criticize and sabotage one another. When one female business owner has a little success, others will pull her down, withhold connections, referrals and even ignore her. Recently after looking at a list of female entrepreneurs who had won awards for achievement, other women were being petty and unkind about the winners. With comments like “She must have nominated herself” “She is always in it for the glory” “She gets everything like she is the only female business owner out here” and “There are others who are so much more deserving that her.” Susan Tardanico had this to say in Forbes Magazine,  the same behaviors that wound and traumatize us as girls are alive and well in the workplace, undermining our career success.

 We worry that one women business owner is going to get further a head in her business than we are, so we don’t choose her to do our business with, we don’t give quality referrals to her so she can grow her business with our connections, we don’t build her up, talk her up, we don’t help her climb that ladder of success.  Worse yet, when she does succeed we will pay lip service to her success, but we will not show up to celebrate with her and we will not give her the credit for hard work to get where she is, we will just compare ourselves to her, find ourselves lacking and talk about how lucky she is.

If we are going to evolve as a gender, if we want to be taken seriously, if we are going to change the world,  then we all have to step into the space of change.

Correct yourself first – if you hear a fellow women business owner being demeaned or negatively talked about, don’t participate. Set the example and refuse to participate, leave the conversation. When we participate in running down another woman we do damage to ourselves and all women. We keep the stereotype alive.

Speak up – take a stand for other women. When you stand by and allow others to ruin the reputation or spread gossip, it is the same as participating in it. “Evil wins when good men stand quietly by.”  It is by our silence that others are allowed to continue.  Speak up and remind the ladies that it could be them that others are talking about.  Then offer 2-3 positive things to the conversation.

 Support – Build relationships, make connections, do business with and give quality referrals to the women in your community. Promote their business, show up at their events and give support whenever possible. Stop talking about supporting and start doing it.

Celebrate – Stand up and speak out for the success of other women, even small successes celebrated build spirit and momentum.

Pass on the information, change the conversation, we are women, we have the power to change the world,  but it starts with us.  We may not be able to change all women and how they behave, but we can certainly change how we show up and set the example

I am in a stage of my life and business were I get to enjoy the fruits of my hard work. Business is good and I am enjoying my life. As I have grown professionally, personally and spiritually I have learned that my life is about the relationships I build and the contribution that I make in others lives. I am often asked what my secret is and I say over and over again, it is the way that I have designed my life.

Because I believe that it is important for each of us to stop, look behind us , put out our hand and help someone else. To Mentor another is one of the highest forms of Givers Gain. We give of our time, our knowledge and our support to someone else for the sheer purpose of giving back to another. Currently, I mentor 3 young people, Ryan, Tiffany and Brandon. Each are young entrepreneurs, looking for guidance, help in living their lives and growing their businesses.

Ryan is a young man who is very giving and bright. He has developed software and is working on finding investors. He is the guardian for his nephews, has overcome a major health issue caused by an accident and has a positive and supportive attitude.

Tiffany is a young woman who has a passion for history, for life and for giving and helping others. Her energy is contagious and willingness to learn is inspiring.

Brandon is a bright young man who exudes talent and energy.  He just needs direction and focus. His willingness to learn and a desire to improve both himself and his life makes Brandon is a joy to mentor.

It was never my intention to be a mentor but I find that people show up whom I am called to help. In my life there have been people who have helped me create success in my life and business. They were willing to reach back, put out a hand and help me as I was coming up the path. People who helped me professionally in my business, people who helped spiritually, and those who gave me help in my day to day life. I believe that as business professionals and human beings we are called to help others who are trying to achieve in life what we have achieved.

How do you find someone to mentor? I have never gone looking for someone to mentor. Each of the young people I mentor showed up in my life. If you heart and mind is open to the possibility of helping others, those people will show up in your life.

You will find that as you mentor others your life is blessed and enriched in ways that you never thought possible. Be open to the possibility and the protegees will show up.