If you ask people to describe networking you will get a variety of responses, most often it sounds something like this, “going to events where business people exchange business cards and talk business with one another.”  While indeed that is a good description of what a lot of “networking” events look like, it is not the only way that networking takes place.  People get so hung up on the formal side of networking that they completely miss all the other opportunities to network.  I personally spend far less time at “networking events” and far more time networking in ways that I enjoy.

Recently, I was invited to be part of #Social46.  This is a group of social media minded people who have strong networks, they were asked to support the Super Bowl 2012 committee in welcoming guest and helping them out using social media.  I was honored to be asked, and took advantage of the opportunity. Many of these are people I have heard of but never met in person, some I knew and have relationships with and still others I have never met online or offline.  This is the kind of networking that I enjoy, a group of people bound together for a common cause.

It does not take long to build strong relationships with people who have a common cause because you are all working and supporting one another to achieve that cause.  For this group there was the added excitement of being able to connect the city and the visitors, and being the first city to ever fully use social media in such a large event. I have a strong affinity for many of the participants, they are my role models on Social Media, and they are so giving of their time and efforts.  These are the kind of people I want in my network, who I want to learn more about, and who I feel good about referring to others because their “Givers Gain” attitude make them so referrable.

Working with a small group of people for a common cause is often far more effective that going month after month to big “networking” events.  Take a look a the networking that you are doing, how are you breaking out of the traditional mode and finding new ways to connect and build relationships?  Share some of your ideas with us!

Flirting:  to court trifling or act amorously without any serious intentions

Flirting is a basic instinct, part of human nature. This is not surprising: if we did not initiate contact and express interest in members of the opposite sex, we would not progress to reproduction, and the human species would become extinct. According to some evolutionary psychologists, flirting may even be the foundation of civilization as we know it. (www.sirc.org)

Flirting as you can see is a natural way of interacting for men and women. It is what we do, sometimes just for fun, other times with the intention to attract. So what is the harm in flirting when we are networking? Go to any networking event and you will see flirting, both men and women. Is it a bad thing? That would depend upon what you are going to the networking events for. What are you trying to achieve? One of the  biggest complaints that women have when working with and networking with men is that they are not taken seriously.

As a woman if I want men to take me and my business seriously, then I must first take myself and my business seriously. When women are flirting, men begin to see them in a different light than the professional light they want. While these women may indeed be asked for an appointment the complaint that we here from women is that the appointment was nothing more than a pretense for a date.

Over time other women will begin to exclude the flirt from their circle of information and connections. The constant flirting can often cost the flirt the credibility she seeks build when networking. Unfortunately, men who flirt are not held to the same level of accountability by women or men.

So, ladies, if you are flirting, it could be costing you connections, information, and being taken seriously by the very men you are flirting with. Remember that business networking should be treated as business, flirting at business functions should be avoided if you are looking to create high lever business relationships.

Women business owners have reason to feel good. According to the survey, in the most recent 10-year period, the number of women-owned businesses in the U.S. grew by 44 percent (twice as fast as men-owned firms) and, women-owned firms added 500,000 new jobs.

Women are growing business twice as fast as men, they are employing thousands of people.  It is crazy for men to neglect his market when they are hitting the networking circuit.  It is not that men do not network with women they just don’t do it well.  Not that they really don’t want to and not that they don’t try, there are just little things that cause the connections to go south.

Here are 3 things that men can do to make their chances of connecting with women better.

1. When opening a conversation with a woman, don’t go straight to business.  Ask them to tell you something about themselves.  Women are looking for ways to connect, some common ground that will allow for a relational conversation.
2. Listen to the women that you meet at networking event. Yes women talk more than men, they have deeper conversations that men do often sharing a great deal of information in a very storytelling way.  Men can learn a great deal by asking questions and just listening.
3. Never under estimate how serious a woman takes her business. Just because she may be selling a product or a service that seems soft and fluff, like cosmetics, clothing, child care or any other personal service, does not mean she does not take her business as serious as any man may take his.

Women are creating business, they have a need for services, they know other women who need products and services but they are not going to share that information with someone who they do not have a trusting relationship with.  Building those relationships will take time and work, but if you are not willing to invest both, men and women can connect and refer to one another very successfully.

Ladies we all know that building a strong business network is key to being the most successful in life and in business. Building a strong network requires two things, time and education, with the key requirement being time. After all it takes time to invest in our education.

Here is one tip to help you, learn to have a strong No! No, I cannot serve on the PTA Board this year. No, I cannot chair that fundraiser. No, I cannot take on that project at work. No, I cannot be the carpool mom for this activity. It is better to have a strong No than it is to have a weak Yes. A weak Yes ruins your credibility, and shows you as someone who only half commits. A strong No shows that you know you limitations and how to give effectively.

Take a look at what you are trying to accomplish, do your activities really support that? Instead of taking on new activities, take a look at the things that you are already doing and figure out how they are supporting you in building that network that you need. How much time are you spending at unproductive events? Would your time be better spent going to events where you know you will be able to connect with people already in your network? Do you really need to add more people right now?

Next ask yourself, how much time have you set aside for your personal and professional development? If you want to build a network of people who help you build a business you love, you need to set aside time to learn the skills it takes to build the relationships that help to build a business and life you love.

This week, take time to list all of your activities, how are they serving you? How are you serving them? Which of them do you need to give up? Where in your life, are you doing things out of a sense of duty versus a passion for the activity? Where in your life are you not really giving 100%?

When you do that, you will know what you need to give up and what you should say No to.

Rather than making assumptions, ask more questions. This was a piece of sage advice that has been given to me both by my spiritual mentor, and my sales coach! No, they are not one in the same, but both have expressed the importance of asking more questions, as well as asking better questions. Over the years as I have developed my networking skills I have come to learn the importance of not only asking questions but ask good questions.

I often teach people how to network effectively, to get beyond face to face cold calling, to do quality networking that allows you to build relationships with people whom you want to refer business to and who may want to refer business to you. One of the most popular questions I get from my students is; “How do you start a good conversation with someone I meet at a networking event?” My response is always the same, “Ask Questions”

 People love to talk about themselves, their businesses, what they are doing that is important to them, and what is going on in their world. If you are shy, or timid, asking questions will allow you to interact and find common ground with people. It will take you out of your shell by allowing you to focus on something other than your own fear.

 Here are a few tips for asking questions:

•  Never ask yes or no questions, otherwise you just get yes and no answers and there is no conversation started. Make sure your questions are open ended.

•  Ask thoughtful questions that you would really like to know the answer to. People respond better when they know you are genuinely interested. We are accustomed to hearing questions like, “How are you?” “How’s business?” “What brought you here?” “What do you do?” The truth of those questions is that no one really wants to know the answer, they are just being polite.

•  After you ask a question, listen to the answer. It may lead you down the path of the next question or you may learn that the person you are speaking to would be a great connection for someone else you know if the room.

•  Don’t be a Drill Sargent and pummel the person with questions, it is far better to have 2-3 well thought out questions that draw the person into conversation with you, than it is to have a barrage of pointless questions.

 One of the finale questions I will often ask people is this, “As I continue to network and meet people here is there anyone you would like to know or anything I can do to help you?” In fact I almost always finish any conversation that I have with this question, “Is there anything at all that I can do to help you going forward?” If there is, I make a note of it, if there is not, I let them know that I am an email away if they can think of anything I can do for them, just drop me a note.

Remember to have a sense of curiosity about people, learn more about them, and they will want to learn more about you too!   Often I can go to an event and say very little, but I learn a lot simply by asking good questions.

It is said, that a wise man listens and questions, a fool rambles on and on.

 Last week I posted 3 Things that Women Do Better Than Men, today it is the guys turn. Can you believe it ladies, there are things that men do better than we women. Of course you can, it is designed by nature. Men are great at doing a variety of things while women are great at others, we are different in every aspect of business and life. In this case we are going to look at 3 things that men do better at networking that women do.

 The goal is for us to learn how to network with men and leverage our networks more effectively. Women are great at building strong long term relationship. Where we are weak is taking those relationships and turning them in to business opportunities, for referrals and even sales. Here are 3 things that men do better and we can learn to do it too.

1.  They can identify business opportunities quicker than women. Men can see opportunity and they are willing to go after in much quicker. In the world of networking, men can identify where they are most likely to be able to get and give referrals with someone.

2. They are more willing to ask for what they want. Their fear of rejection is much less than a woman’s fear of rejection. They are not afraid to ask people to do things for them, and they are clear about what they want and approach people in business with that in mind.

3. Men are much better at not taking things personally, they understand that it is about the business. They can have the business deal go bad and they know it should not get in the way of their friendship.

 These are great traits for women to be able to do also. My next post will discuss how we can benefit by learning from each other. What kinds of thing have you noticed about the differences in men and women networking?

Business networking is about building relationships and who is better at building relationships than women. When it comes to networking there are a few things that women are just naturally better at then the men. There are things they can learn from us, just as there are things we can learn from them. In this blog, I am listing the 3 things that women do better than the men. The following blog will list the 3 things that men do better than women and the third in the series will discuss how we can learn from each other. So, before you men get all upset, be patient, you time to shine will be next, ladies first!

1. Women build deeper relationships with the people they meet than men do. That is not to say that men do not build relationships, they do, but they do it differently and they define it differently. This really plays out when men retire, once they are no longer working they have few close friends to do things with. Good networking is about building good relationships.

2. Women are excellent carriers of word-of-mouth. Women will sing your praises when you do a good job for them, and typically they are less likely to refer someone if they have not used or seen the quality of your work or product. When they do, no one will pass on the information better than a female.

3. Women by nature are collaborators, they build community. They will rally a group together to accomplish a goal or task. Where men are often lone wolves, women like to do things in groups. This plays very well in the business networking arena, it allows more people to win, when they are all working together.

 All of these are good traits, and each of them have a downfall. While it is important to build relationships, women often forget that they are building business relationships. Relationships that are meant to help, to be leveraged for business on both sides. We spend a lot of time building the relationships in the hope that they will do business with us, but we think that just because someone knows what we do, they will choose to use us when the need arises. That is a belief that often holds us back from creating the success in our business networking that we are looking for.

Next up: Three things that men do better than women!

As I have been working on the book, Business Networking and Sex, I have been reading more and more studies about women in business. While women are making great strides in the business world, there are still studies being released that say women need to step up their game and be less passive. Here is a small article that I picked up from Woman’s World

 Speaking out ups your on the job success!

Quick, which type of female employee do you think a boss is more likely to reward?

One who’s………

A. Nice and focuses on getting along with co-workers

B. Assertive and stands her ground when debating ideas

 The answer is B! Women who are assertive at work earn 4% more than their more passive peers, reveals a recent study of more than 5,600 workers. Turns out, women who are overly nice tend to sacrifice their own career success to please others, back down to easily in conflicts and are less likely to ask for a pay raise! The takeaway: While you should not stop being polite at your job (the same study shows that angry employees earn less that everyone else!), try sharing your point of view more often and negotiating pay increases during performance reviews.

This article goes directly to the point I want to make to women who are networking, building relationship, going to events, and who want to grow their business by referral, you have to speak up!  I had a young lady, a client, come to my office upset with one of her friends.  They had been friends for a long time, when her friend was putting together a fundraiser for a local charity she ordered T-Shirts from a local company.  That company was not my clients company, even though they were friends she had not been asked to give a bid.  I suggested that we talk to her friend and find out why she gave the business to someone else.

We called Susan up and we asked her why she had not given the business to her friend Karen. Here is what she said;  “I did not think that Karen was interested, she knew I was doing the fundraiser and never asked me for the opportunity to bid on the shirts.  I just thought maybe it was not the kind of business that she wanted.”  Karen was stunned, it never dawned on her to ask, she thought it was enough that her network knew what she did and they would come to her when they had a need.

Passive networking does not work. If you are not willing to tell people what you want or how they can help you then you will likely not get the help.

 The same holds true with referrals, if you want a referral or connection you have to know who you want to be connected too, (not just anybody) and you have to be willing to ask for the connection or referral. Women are great at building relationships that create strong networks, where they drop the ball is knowing and asking for the connections and referrals from that very same network.

 So, ladies the next time you are sitting across from someone in your network, speak up, ask for the connection! And always be prepared with three things that others can do to help you. When you are asked, “How can I help you?” by someone in your network, you will be able to let them know just what they can do!

I went to Ireland in February to speak at a conference, I connected with some of my friends there, and made many new friends, last week I was in Australia, training a group of franchise owners.  In August I will be in Africa working with a team of franchise owners, and in October, I am going to go hang out with friends in London, Paris and Scotland.   Ten years ago I would not have believed that I could know someone on every continent of the globe, but today, I do.  It makes for a diversely rich network, allowing me to learn, connect and travel the world.

One of the benefits of traveling,  teaching and learning is my appreciation of my very own country, to be able to see the US through the eyes of those outside the US.  To travel the way that I do in the world never would have happened if I had not decided to be intentional about the creation of my network.  Every single opportunity that I have had to travel has been the result of my network, they have referred me over and over to others.  They extend invitations and make me feel at home in a foreign place.

Today it is not hard at all to build a global network.  With social media sites like Facebook, Linkedin, and  Twitter and international face to face organizations like Rotary, Toastmasters and BNI the world continues to feel as if it is shrinking.  When you meet someone on the other side of the world who knows someone you know, it hits you, just how connected we all are!

Here are a few things that you can do to increase your global connections and create contacts around the world.

1.  Social Media – Get active on sites like Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn and start connecting globally. These are the big three. But, I have found there are more region specific sites like Ecademy that are heavily used by Europeans, so I am able to have more conversations and stay up on world topics by participating there. There are also sites that are more heavily influenced by Asian participants too.

2.  Attend international trade shows and conferences. Attending workshops with people from all over the world allows you to connect over a common interest. This opens the door for future conversations and connection. Don’t forget to follow up with the people that you meet! I am a member of the National Speakers Association and one of my best connections came from the New York Conference where I was able to meet with Lindsay Adams, President of the International Speakers Association. I had the opportunity to co-present with him while I was in Australia because of the connection we made at conference.

3.  When the opportunity to take a program comes up go to a city with international influence. Given the opportunity I prefer to go to Chicago because I know that I am more likely to meet people from all over the world than I would if I stay in my own town. I have made several great contacts using this tactic alone.

4.  Get involved in international organizations like BNI, Toastmasters and Rotary where you can connect globally while doing business locally. These are organizations that have large global memberships and a common cause, they encourage you to stop in and visit the local chapters when you are in the area.

It is a big world out there, but when you know someone everywhere you go, it makes it small and cozy.  You are comfortable going to a part of the world you have never been to when you connect with someone you know there.  It is wonderful to be able to learn about other cultures, languages, styles, history, and yes even food.  The opportunity to build your global network is better than it ever has been, you just have to step out, and do it!

Branding Yourself

Last week I was was presenting in Sydney Australia, when I met a young lady named Natalie. She introduced herself to me and said that she had read about me in a book that she recently downloaded. I of course found this very interesting and began to inquire about the book. It’s a book about branding yourself, she says. The light bulb went on!  The authors of that book are friends of mine in Indianapolis, Erik Deckers and Kyle Lacy, both of whom I met on a networking site called Smaller Indiana, and on Twitter.  I make it a habit to always follow locals on Twitter, this allows me the opportunity to meet them in person and to stay connected.  I also get to stay up on what is going on in the area, which is a bonus!

I had the opportunity to meet both Kyle and Erik face to face and over the years we have served on panels, and spoken at events together.  Both of them write great blogs and both are experts at using social media, so I was honored when Erik asked to interview me for the book.  I love his sense of humor and his ability to stay connected to the people in his network, I was happy to participate.

I had actually forgotten all about my part in that book, and never dreamed that someone on the other side of the world would be telling me about it.  Natalie and I had a great conversation about the Branding Yourself, the case study about me, and instantly had rapport with one another because we had something in common. Furthermore, I could hardly wait to let Erik know about the connection. It made my world feel small and comfortable, even on the other side of the globe.

Social media allows us to create a small world when combined with our face to face network.   It is not going to go away so pick up a copy of the book, you will not only build your brand, your world will become smaller and connected.