“Bitch”

BITCH - Slang
a.  a malicious, unpleasant, selfish person, especially a woman.
b.  a lewd woman.
c. a person who whines

Does that word still bother you? Does the fear of being called a bitch or categorized as bitchy stop you from negotiating for the better deal, or getting things done the way you want or need them? Do you realize that one of the reasons that men make more money than women is because they negotiate more pay when they are hired and women don’t?

I read an article in Forbes magazine; Want to Grow the Economy? Change Four Attitudes About Women Entrepreneurs, following is one of those attitudes,

Women’s assertiveness is perceived as “bitchiness.”
No one likes to be a “bitch,” but when women leaders make tough decisions, the response is critical and personal. When men make tough decisions, they are “strong” or “assertive” but women … that “b” word crops up. “If you want everyone to like you, you will have a hard time doing what is necessary,” Elting says.

I was sharing this article with several female friends many of them made this comment, “women use the term Bitch for other women even more that men do.” Ouch! What does that say about us?

I have two daughters, I taught them at a very young age that the words like bitch were used as a way to control or hold them back. One day my daughter came home from school, she was suspended for decking a young man,when I asked her why she said it was because he called her a Bitch. I looked at her quizzically, she shrugged and said, “Oh, he had not earned that right yet!” My daughters do not let that word bother them, they know that whatever opinion that someone else has about them is not their problem, it is the problem of the opinion holder. They are strong self assured women who do not mind taking a stand and speaking up for themselves or others.

Being successful in your business and your life means that you cannot let your need for approval get in the way of your need to do business. As a woman I have as much right and power to negotiate better pay and better deals as a man does. When I was in China I learned just how powerful and important negotiating really was, they negotiate for everything! Women are hardball negotiators in many countries and there is no reason at all that we cannot do the exact same thing.

If I choose not to use that skill because I am worried about being seen as pushy or bitchy that is my weakness and I should not keep complaining about how men get better deals and better pay. Men expect to negotiate it is just a competition, they don’t take it personal, and they don’t worry about being called a “pushy bastard.”

So ladies, if you want to make more money, sell more business, or get a pay raise,  learn the art of negotiation and stop worrying about the names you might be called, your need for approval will always hold you back.  Don’t let someone else define you.

Categorized Under: Negotiation - Asking • Strategy • Women • Women and Networking

Post tags bitch • communication • competition • negotiating • negotiations • success • women

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4 Responses so far.

1. Robby Slaughter says:

   January 23, 2012 at 3:13 pm

   This post wasn’t nearly as invective as I thought it was going to be!

   Someone once told me that a key difference between men and women is that while both expect the world to be unfair, men plan to make the world more unfair in their favor. I think that many women may tend to retreat when they should be assertive, and the whole world suffers as we are less likely to hear their point of view!
2. admin says:

   January 23, 2012 at 8:57 pm

   Wow, that is really well thought out and very insightful. Thanks for the comment. I tried to keep it positive..LOL
3. Andrew Watt says:

   January 25, 2012 at 8:13 am

   It is unfortunate that not just men call a assertive, strong, succesful lady a bitch but so do many other woman out there.

   That said i would like to praise the bitches as they have made the world a better place with exceptional approaches and insite few men would ever have.

   My own male opinion is a Bitch does not make a worse Mother, Wife, Leader or even Lover unless the weak male is threatened by it.
4. admin says:

   January 25, 2012 at 11:04 am

   Thank you so much for a well thought out response.
   The word bitch intimidates so many women they allow it to hold them. Ack.
   I appreciate when guys most such thoughtful replies