Friends who care about you are hard to find and should be held onto even when one screws up. There is always room for open honest communication and forgiveness. The hardest part is the open honest communication, and ASKING for Forgiveness then GIVING it!

I wrote the above statement and posted in on my Facebook Profile, because of the numerous comments I decided to write more here. The most important thing that we build in our lives are relationships, the people whom we call friends, those who help us, mentor, encourage and cheer us on. Now and then we screw up, do something wrong or hurt someones feeling and suddenly we find that we have caused great damage to the relationship. We may not have intended to do it, nevertheless we did. At this point we have a choice, let the relationship die or reach out and attempt to repair the relationship.

Repairing the relationship first requires open and honest communication. Both sides need to be willing to speak what is there without blame or excuses, to listen to one another. That communication should consist of 3 things.

Take Responsibility – don’t make excuses, don’t blame, just take responsibility. Part of taking responsibility is making sure you have taken steps not to repeat the action.

Ask for Forgiveness – asking for forgiveness is not easy. It is necessary if you want to recover your relationship. There is nothing more that needs to be said beyond “I take full responsibility for my actions and I ask for your forgiveness.”

Give Forgiveness – if you want others to forgive you when you screw up, and you will, be willing to Give Forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean that you condone the action, you just release the anger, upset and disappointment and move forward.

People who really care about us don’t come along everyday. We are all human and in our humanity we screw up, it is our nature, but it does not mean that we have to give up the friendships we have created.

Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus but networking is networking right? Last week I was talking to a BNI member, a young lady, about why it was important that a BNI Chapter have women in it. I told her that women were good at building strong relationships within their network. Her retort was simply, “Well that might be true but most of my referrals come from guys, in and out of BNI.”   That got me to thinking, is there a difference?

Women by nature are nurturers, traditionally in most families they were the caretakers of the children, the organizer of the family members, and often the caretaker for the elderly members of the family. While men were the bread winners, doing business, starting and running businesses. Over the years that has changed, and the roles are more equal, men and women both raise the family, both do business, own businesses and run businesses.

Is that change reflected in business-networking?   What is your experience with networking, do the girls do it better than the guys?

Every year for the last 5 years I have set a goal to walk the Indianapolis Mini Marathon. Every year that goal went unmet. This year, it is no longer an unaccomplished goal. Saturday May 8th I walked the 13.1 miles in the largest mini marathon, with 37,000 other people.

What made this year different than the other 4 years. Simple really, I implemented the same 5 strategies that I tell my Referrals for Life students to implement when building their referral system.

1. Support - I found a group of other people who wanted to achieve the same goal that I did. Having a team of people to support you and cheer you on makes a big difference in your energy, you motivation and your desire to achieve. When you are building your business by referral, you need a strong network that will support you in your endeavors. You cannot build a network of people who will refer you all alone, it is a person to person activity.

2. Education – I learned more about participating in a marathon. I learned about shoes and why they are important, how to eat right, what kind of clothing to wear in the different kinds of weather. As business owners it is important that we always seek out more education, allowing us to stay sharp and be able to grow our businesses and ourselves. No one is born knowing how to network or how to build a strong network. Get educated, learn the art of networking and the science of referrals. The more education you get the more successful you are. Learn more to earn more.

3. Accountability – Having a system of accountability was key to my training. When you add accountability to your learning you accomplish so much more. Accountability breeds success. If you and your network are not accountable to each other you will soon lose momentum. Hold each other accountable for greater results.

4. Training – Consistent use of the educational material breeds huge amounts of success. The training allows you to practice what you have learned until you are good at it. Having the ability to practice over and over again allows you to develop the networking and referral muscles. You do not want to practice on your referral or prospects.

5. Coaching - Above all else this is the one thing that set this year apart from all other years. Having a coach to guide, educate, support, and implement accountability made the biggest difference in may ability to complete the Mini Marathon. Having him tell me when my gait was wrong or if my tempo was off was invaluable and made the difference in my wanting to do the marathon and completing the marathon. Education without coaching is entertainment. Your Coach can tell you what you are doing wrong, how to do something differently or more effectively. If you are trying to build a business by referral you need to find yourself a qualified referral trainer – coach. You will be surprised by your results.

Creating a system that generates referrals for your business is like training for a marathon, it is simple, but it is not easy!

How many times have you taken a class, you leave with every good intention to implement what you have learned. But you complete the class, go back to work, start doing the day to day activities and soon that class is long gone. You forget 80% of everything you learned and have little time to implement the 20% you do remember.

Signing up to take a class is pretty much a waste of time if you do not stay involved in the conversation with others who are on the same path. We learn by first getting the information and sometimes you may need to get the information several times before it clicks, then it is the consistent practice of that information that gets you to the Mastery level, that time when you can do it automatically.

If you want to really learn something new it is important that you immerse yourself in a program, that you practice with others who want to achieve what you do. The Referral Institute created a program called “Referrals for Life”. They understand that it takes time and practice to learn the skills needed to develop referral partnerships, it is not something that you are going to learn in a one time class. But something that you are going to have to practice with your peers over and over to be good at it.

I have been taking the Sandler Sales Program at Lushin and Associates. I take the classes and I have the opportunity to learn constantly with my peers. I get to practice with them and with the coaches so that I do not have to practice with my prospects. I will continue to be in the program because I understand that even after I Master the sales skills, I will still need to practice to keep my skills sharp.

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Jim Rohn

If we are going to be the best that we can be in this life, then it is important that you surround yourself with others who are striving to be the best that they can be. When you are developing referral partners this is also very important.

The relationship between referral partners becomes very close, when the relationship is working well you are meeting and developing referral strategies, sending your best customers to one another and building each others reputation. You are helping each other to succeed.

Ask yourself these 4 questions when you are looking for good referral partners.

* Do they have a positive and supportive attitude.
* Do they have a giving attitude
* Are they open to learning and growing
* Do they support you and your vision

Surround yourself with people who are going where you want to go. When you have people on the path with you it makes the journey so much easier.

In many sales-oriented networking books and course, people are taught that networking is a selling tool and part of that lesson is what’s known as the Three Foot Rule: “Anyone within three feet of you is an opportunity to make a sale.”

We feel that not only is this bad advice for the networker, one that seriously decreases the chance for quality connection (many “3-Footers” mysteriously find themselves unable to get within three feet of anyone in a very short period of time), but that it also creates a negative feeling to the whole concept of networking in the minds of others.

As a result, people begin to avoid any event or activity labeled “networking” because they neither wish to participate in this hard-sell technique, nor do they wish to be exposed to it, especially in a concentrated form, in doing so we all lose out on valuable opportunities for service, connection and growth.

So, in the true spirit of connection-based networking (adding value to interactions in order to create and strengthen our connections with others), we hereby present our own Three Foot Rule, and hope you’ll join us in finding ways to make it our mission for the future of networking:

“Every person within three feet of you is an opportunity to serve.”   Dr. Ivan R Misner

Do you know how good it is to wake up in the morning, get your coffee, flip on your computer, log in to your twitter account and find that YOU are the person being twittered about?  I do, it’s great!   It is exactly what happen to me last week. There were a great many “mentions” on twitter about my being listed as one of the Top 100 Women Bloggers to Watch.   I was surprised and honored.

It is the second time that I have been listed in a Top 100 List and both times I have been surprised and honored. I know that I am not the best blogger on the net and I am not the most prolific, but I do blog from a place that I have passion. As I said in a previous post, passion draws people to you like bee’s to flowers.

That being said, I also spend time on my social networking sites promoting my blog.  If you too are new at blogging use some of these tips to help drive traffic to your site.

1. Comment on other peoples blog – comments let bloggers know that you are reading their material.  It is always a morale boost when I get comments from others even if they do disagree with me.

2. Post your blog on your Facebook account and tweet your link now and then, let people know when you have posted new material.

3. Add links to other peoples blogs. If you are writing on a topic that others have written on, link back to them. It will build visibility and credibility for both of you.

4. Put your blog link on the bottom of your email, on your website, and even on your business card. It is a great way for others to get to know you.

5. Be brief, people do not take the time to read the long rambling blogs.  Say what you have to say in 300-500 words you will get more people to read your content.  And blog frequently, that has been a challenge for me this summer.

I am a novice blogger compared to many on the internet and I am sure there is so much more for me to learn, but I am proud to say that I have made to 2 top 100 list and I can’t wait to see what happens when I get really good at this.

I went out into my backyard today to look at my crop of Indiana Tomatoes.  I was quite disappointed to find that they still have not ripened.  The weather has been very cool this year and that means the tomatoes ripen more slowly.    I am losing my patience because I want vine ripe tomatoes NOW!

Ironically,  I came into my office to open an email from one of our newest clients.  He and I are meeting for some one to one coaching around his DISC profile, he is a high D and likes results, NOW.   In his email he stated “Please send me the roster of current and past participants, so that I may have 2 referral partners identified by the time we meet.” Oh if it were only that easy!

Unfortunately,  the key to developing strong strategic relationships with a referral partner is patience.  Like my tomato plants there is more  involved than just sticking the plant in the ground and telling it to produce.   Your referral network must be nurtured, tended to, and supported.

Here are four keys to developing a strong referral network and growing good tomatoes

1. Identify the right kind of person to build the relationship with.  Just as choosing  the right kind of tomato plant is important,  you need to know what kind of referral relationship you want.  You can have contact sphere relationships that will yield lots of little incidental leads that can keep you very busy, kind of like the little cherry tomato plant that will give you bowls full of tomatoes quickly, or you can have a full fledged referral partnership that will yield larger, proactive,  high value referrals.  Similar to the the Big Boy tomato plant.  They take longer to grow, but well worth the wait.

2. Understand that time and consistent nurturing is required.  You can’t  just throw the plant in the ground and expect tomatoes to spring forth.  The same holds true for your referral relationships.  The relationship has to be built on a foundation of trust, understanding, collaboration and educations.

3. There has to be give and take in the process.  The tomato plant needs care, water, and plant food in return you get juicy red ripe tomatoes for all of your efforts.  When you give to your referral network they will in return give to you, if you consistently take with out giving eventually your network will wither and little or no fruit will be provided.

4. Diversity is important, this year I planted one kind of tomato, so of course I am still waiting.  If you plant a variety of tomatoes; plant some cherry tomatoes who will yield great flavor quickly,  as well as the slow growing variety that give your the bigger more flavorful fruit later in the year.  Your referral network can be built with a variety of relationships.  Those who will give you leads to follow up on while you are waiting for those that will give you the quality of referrals that will allow you to work smarter not harder.    Those little tomatoes will keep you fed until the big ones are ready!

Over time and with the right work, you can have  consistent quality referrals coming into your pipeline from a well nurtured network.  Remember, like the tomato plant, it takes time and work before you realize the fruit of your labor.  Be patient and don’t try to rush the process!

As the economy took a hit and began to spiral down, email newsletters went up!  I am getting triple what I use to get.  I did not sign up for the emails, I did not ask to get them, I simply gave someone my business card and they believed that gave them permission to put me on their mailing list.  I am getting letters on a wide variety of topics;  Leadership, Sales Training, Human Resources, Finances and Investments, Marketing, Networking, Health & Fitness, Diet, Massage, Real Estate and on and on.

I don’t mind getting my clients emails, I don’t mind getting email newsletters from people who’s services I use or those that I personally subscribed to.    I don’t automatically put people on my list.  If someone wants my newsletter they have to write that on the back of their business card, send me an email asking for it, or subscribe to it.  I do not assume that because I have their business card I have their permission to email them.

I have tried to unsubscribe and one person became upset with me and sent me an email saying so.  After that I decided to start putting everyone who sends me a newsletter on my list so they will get mine in return.  Gee, was I surprised when MOST of them unsubscribed to my newsletter?  Or that MOST of them did not bother to open it.  I was not, it was clear to me from the beginning that they were only interested in a one way conversation.

So, now I have set up a rule for each newsletter that I did not subscribe to, they are automatically forwarded to the delete file which is emptied every Friday.  Last week, 21 newsletters and Ezines were deleted!  Today there is an equal number that will be tossed.

One technique I use to get permission is a simple follow up with the people I meet, I will “Forward” them a copy of my last Referral Tip of the Week with a note that says.

Blah Blah Blah….by the way I do a weekly article called Referral Tip of the Week.  Here is a copy of the last one I sent out last week,  I thought it might interest you.  If you like it and want to get it regularly feel free to subscribe or forward it to a friend.  I hope you enjoy this one. Blah Blah Blah.

Now it is up to them to decide if it is something they would like to get regularly or not.  This has increased my open rate and that is more important to me than the number of people getting the information.

So, remember just because you have someones business card – does not mean they want your newsletter.  ASK FIRST!

Do you LOVE what you do?  Would you do it for free if you had too?  I love what I do.  I know that what I do makes a major difference in the lives of others,  I  wake up in the morning excited about my day.  Do you?  This morning as I was speaking to a prospect for the Referrals for Life Program, and I was struck by her belief in herself and that what she does is important and helps others.  I thought to myself, this is exactly the kind of person that I like to work with, one who love what they do and wants to get better at it.  Her commitment to herself and her passion for helping her clients was obvious.

Passion is like the sweet nectar of a flower, it attracts the honey bee, who takes it to the hive to share with their “network”.  When you are passionate about what you do, your network taps into that passion and carries it out into their networks for you.

People want to work with people who believe in themselves, it is easier to put your trust in someone who believes that they are the best at what they do, it is also easier to refer that person to others.

So, let me ask you, do you believe in what you do, are you passionate, does it show?